Losing More Than My Mind

Good Day

2010-05-03T17:42:00.001-07:00

Had a good day food-wise. Feeling better already. 17 days!

I Live!!!

2010-05-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. I'm not dead. I also didn't stop Weight Watchers. I just stopped losing weight for, oh, about 7 months now.

Bad Jess.

Whatever. 18 days until my wedding. I must admit, I was a little afraid to post again... I had some weird mental block about this blog for a while. I think it was the fact that this is a weight loss blog and I was not, in fact, losing anything at all.

But I am essentially the same weight. I got down to 197 and now I'm at 202. That's how weight gets you, though... one pound at a time. I'm not a huge fan of self-loathing, so here I am again, ready to be held accountable.

I am launching myself back into the loving arms of The Plan. Hello exercise and healthy eating, goodbye stomach aches and an empty wallet (when you live in Southern California and have access to *real* Mexican food [not Taco Bell] it is hard to resist the call of carne asada fries.)

As I type the sunscreen is drying on my face; I am preparing to go on the first walk I've been on in about two weeks.

My WW meeting on Saturday morning inspired me- habits aren't always something that form themselves. I will have to work on making a healthy, balanced lifestyle a habit. But hey, after a few weeks of forcing it, it comes naturally.

And I'll have fewer stomache aches.

Love, peace, and apples, folks. I'll be back again very soon.

Still Here!

2010-01-24T11:15:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, I'm still alive, still losing weight, ETC. Just busy busy busy with this wedding.

Long story short, last week a gained a bit, this week I lost a bit. Ta da. I'm aiming for losing a bit more this week.

Anyway, I love you all and hope you're having a wonderful week :)

I Gained?!?

2010-01-10T20:04:00.000-08:00

So last week, I was the poster child for Weight Watchers. I got in my water. I exercised. I ate very few weeklies, and I even got in all my GHG's. I expected more than a 2-pound loss. Instead, I gained.

I gained .2 - practically maintained. GRRRRR, sooooo frustrating.

I'm certain that my very slight gain has a lot to do with the fact that I lost 6 1/2 pounds last week. And my body's just adjusting to me actually followin the plan for two weeks in a row which is like a miracle for me.

But I am still barelling on through. Here's to a great week with a loss!

Another Good Week

2010-01-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

I did well this week; I'm looking forward to weighing in tomorrow. I used about 15 weeklies this week. I am going to try not to use any weeklies next week and see how my loss goes.

I went fabric shopping for my wedding dress with my soon-to-be mother in law. We came back to my house so she could take measurements and pin the dress on me. I wore the bodice I will be wearing on my wedding day, and while it still fits nice and snug like it should, I still have rolls in it :( I will be taking a photo of myself in my bodice and putting it up in the house; I think the visual will really help me to stay motivated. She told me that losing won't be a problem, but I cannot gain an ounce after she starts sewing the thing. No problem :)

Man, it is coming up soooo quickly... Just over 4 months 'til the big day. I am aiming to be 175 by that time. I can do this!!

Down 6.2

2010-01-02T08:14:00.000-08:00

Yep yep, I was a gooooood girl this week. I forgave myself for December's mistakes and re-committed on December 26, since that a day I have lost 6.2 pounds and have almost completely undone the damage I did in December. I am a mere pound away from being the lowest I have ever been on Weight Watchers. Woohoo!

Here's to making this next week just as perfect. My fridge is stocked and I'm feeling confident in my abilities to succeed.

I have made a new short-term goal for myself... I want to be 189.9 by February. I have four weigh-ins in which to accomplish this. I am soooo ready.

... And A New One's Just Begun

2010-01-01T06:18:00.000-08:00

I weighed myself this morning in order to get my "official" weight lost for the year... 35.5 pounds lost in 2009. Woohoo!

I'm not one for resolutions. If I'm going to change my life, it will be because it's something I've thought long and hard about, not because of a day on the calander. That being said, there are some things I'd like to work toward for the year as a whole, not just until around February-ish (when a lot of people lose their resolve with a quick, drastic new year's resolution.)

My Current stats:
Weight: 199.5 pounds

Pants size: 16

Arms: 13.75 inches

Things: 26.2 inches

Bust: 41.0

Waist: 34.1 inches

Hips: 46.0 inches

BMI: 30.3 (obese)

My Goal stats for January 1, 2011:

Weight: 159.9 pounds

Pants size: 12? 10? Not sure at this weight....
I'm not gonna lie... I have no clue what my measurements will be at that weight.
BMI: 24.3 (normal)

So I have two truly measurable goals for the year, which is fine with me. According to WW, my average weight lost is .6 per week (wow... I really need to try harder. Ha!) - I will be very, very close to my ultimate goal for the year if I continue to half-ass the program as I did in 2009. If I put forth a liiiiittle more effort this year and become more consistent with my habit changes, this goal should be obtainable. Not easy, but yes, obtainable for sure.

Persistence, not perfection. Gotta remember it.

Blah blah blah. Happy new year everyone. Let's make it ROCK!

Another Year Over...

2009-12-31T17:00:00.001-08:00

I have been doing very, very well since my last post... stayed in my dailies, got exercise, etc. etc. I really made an effort to get in my GHG's, and that's really had a hand in keeping me full.

So I lost 35 or so pounds this year. Hot damn! That's good. Hell, I could continue to half-ass Weight-Watchers and be down 70 pounds total this time next year. Even if that is the case, that would not be half bad.

Of course, I truly would like to lose the rest of my weight this next year. It is very possible, so why not reach for that star? Make goal in 2010? Sure, why not.

I am feeling much more energetic again since I started eating well again. I actually feel like getting up a doing things around the house again. It's a good feeling :)

I hope everyone has a truly spectacular new year. I hope 2010 is as good (or better) for everyone else as 2009 has been for me. Because honestly, 35 pounds in one year ain't half bad; I keep trying to remember that instead of focusing on the weeks where I didn't really commit. Positive thoughts!

(And stay off the roads... I work in the claims department for a major auto insurance company, and I've seen what drunk driving does to people's lives... Be safe!)

Thank God Christmas is Over

2009-12-27T19:31:00.001-08:00

So I'm back to my motivated old self again. After over a 6 pound gain in the last two weeks, being on plan for two days is a relief. I was going over my earliest entries in this blog and I feel exactly the same way now... funny how December 26th hit and I felt good as new again. (December 26, 2008 was the first day I started Weight Watchers. 35 pounds (ish) down this year.)

I am in the mood to write out what I'm eating for tomorrow so that I can see it all laid out. Usually I only do this on my WW Online Tracker, but I feel like doing it like this.

Breakfast: 1 1/4 Cup frosted shredded wheat with 1 cup skim milk

Snack: 1 blueberry applesauce, no sugar added

Lunch: Smart Ones Chicken Enchiladas Suiza and dehydrated apple slices (no preservative, no sugar added as I made these myself)

Snack: 1 orange

Snack: chocolateFiber One bar

Dinner: 4 oz. boneless, skinless chicken breast, 2 pieces of garlic toast, 1 cup broccoli

Snack: 1 large Texas red grapefruit

Dessert: Warm Delights Mini Molten Caramel Cake

That gives me 2 points to play with. I'll probably use it for coffee, chocolate, cheese or something.

Right before Christmas this year I started feeling like I felt just before I joined WW last year - like I was fat. I've been on the heavy side my whole life, but folks, I never actually felt fat until right around autumn of 2008. Actully feeling it is what drove me to join WW in the first place, and it's good to know that I can feel it again - it's good because it reaffirms my belief that this time I'm going to do it. Even though it's taking me a long time, with lots of hills and valleys along the way, I'm going to do it. I'm no longer complacent with my old "normal" weight (around 195). I used to be totally OK with that weight.

But no longer.

I'll be honest with myself. I will probably not make goal in 2010. But I'll be damned if I don't keep working toward it.

So here I am, forgiving myself for the last (let's face it) three months of mediocrity. Hello refreshed resolve. Thanks to a new year, the holidays being over with, and my wedding being a mere 5 months away, I'm feeling wonderful about my future.

Goodnight everyone.

Down 3.2

2009-12-12T08:30:00.001-08:00

Woooohoooo! Man, I had a good week. I stayed in my dailies most days; I ended up using about 7 weeklies. I exercised, too- nothing major, but I got up an did an hour of light (very light) walking 5 days this week. I decided to take it easy because I have another cold... my third one this year. ACK!

Getting this many colds isn't uncommon for me, but what's cool is how quickly I get over them now. This one should be gone completely by Tuesday or so. I don't even feel sick, I just have a nasty-sounding cough. I don't feel tired or nauseous or anything.

So, I'm being fitted for two crowns today. This is going to sound kinda weird, but I'm actually pretty happy about it... it means I'll have to stay away from sticky foods (candy) throughout Christmas Crunch Time. Awesome! I won't even be tempted to indulge in candy this Christmas because I can't! Wooohooo!

More of the same for next week...

Christmas Meme To Pull Me Out Of My Funk ^_^

2009-12-08T21:00:00.000-08:00

Thank you Regina, at Does This Blog Make Me Look Fat? for tagging me with this Christmas meme - I'm glad to be writing a post.

Before I get into the meme, though, a quick update - I am doing awesomely as far as my eating and exercising goes. I expect a ridiculous amount of weight lost this week.

Now, on to the meme!

1. Have you started your Christmas shopping? Nope! This year my huge family and I are doing a secret santa - one present for everyone, instead of the materialism-fest that Christmas usually is at our house. I have one gift to buy, and nope, I haven't gotten it yet :)

2. Tell me about one of your special traditions. Looking at Christmas lights a few days before Christmas - there's one neighborhood in my well-to-do town that goes all-out on Christmas lights, it's amazing! I look forward to it every year :)

3. When do you put up your Tree? I like to have it up the first week of December, but this year we're not putting up a tree at all. Our old plastic tree fell apart last year and we're spending every single extra little penny on the wedding. I must say, though, after May 20, 2010 we'll be rollin' in the G's again.

4. Are you a Black Friday shopper? Oh yes. We didn't do it this year (see answer to #1) but I usually get in line around 5 PM on Thanksgiving evening. We bring sleeping bags, hot food, and stay up all night playing video games and reading. And when you're first in line (which I always am) it's not all rush rush rush - most big box stores will hand out vouchers for the big ticket items to the first people in line, so you're guaranteed to get what you came for, rendering getting up at 4 AM useless ^_^

5. Do you Travel at Christmas or Stay home? We alternate each year - this year we're going to my parent's house for Christmas. My parents live five houses down, so I'd say a 45-second walk doesn't count as traveling. When we go to Vern's family's place, it's a 45-minute drive, which is not bad at all.

6. What is your funniest Christmas memory? Ramming my new pink Barbie Power Wheels Corvette into our wooden double front doors on Christmas morning. That was the best damn present Santa ever brought to me.

7. What is your favorite Christmas movie of all time? Love Actually!

8. Do you do your own Christmas baking? What's your favorite treat? I usually bake a ton around Christmas, but not this year (again, lack of scratch). My favorite treat, however, is this toffee cake thing. It's. Freakin'. Delicious.

9. Fake or Real Tree? Oh, fake trees all the way. They're cheap, no mess, and no ridiculous traveling to get a real one.

10. What day does the actual panic set in to get it all done? I have never, ever had panic set in about Christmas. What is there to panic about? Presents? Ha!

11. Are you still wrapping presents on Christmas Eve? Nope, wrapping is done pretty much as soon as the gift gets home.

12. What is your favorite fun time at Christmas? Having everyone in the living room on Christmas morning, laughing and poking fun at their gifts and the sentiments behind them.

13. What Christmas craft do you like the best? OMG gingerbread house FTW.

14. Christmas music? Yes or no? And if yes, what is your favorite song? Yep yep! I like a lot of the old school Christmas music by Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, and Frank Sinatra.

15. When do you plan to finish all your shopping? This weekend, after my dentist appointment :)

Want to play along? Here's what you do...Just simply copy and paste the questions into your blog, and then answer them.

Then tag 5 or more of your favorite blogs, and leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged.

When you post on your blog, please spread some Christmas Cheer, and leave a link back to the blogger who started the meme: Heather @ (Top 10 Christmas) Heather would like any blogger to participate in this meme, so let her know if you do it

Down 1.2

2009-11-28T08:22:00.000-08:00

Wow, down a decent amount Thanksgiving week. I'm proud, I must say, and I earned it. I was *so* good all week.

You may (or may not) have noticed that I haven't posted much recently. I was getting very wrapped up in blogging, and I honestly think it was making me lose some of my focus. I know it sounds weird, but it was just a small mental battle with me. I took a week and a half off just to see how I did- and I got my focus back :)

Not to say that I won't be blogging anymore; however, it won't be daily any longer. I have a problem with comparing my success to others', and it was really wearing on me to have to post my tiny gains week after week, all the while other bloggers have kept their resolve. I have lost 36 pounds this year. That is awesome! And there's no reason why I should feel inferior because other people are also successful- I should feel inspired.

But it seems that taking a break from self-inflicted mental beatings has been good for me (go figure).

I hope everyone had as good a week as I did, and I will continue this success into next week.

2009-11-17T21:31:00.000-08:00

Good News: Exercised this morning and got lots of veggies in during the day.

Bad News: Blew dinner and had some really good chinese food. However, I did mitigate damages by having a small cup of Egg Flower Soup first so I wasn't able to eat all the fried yummyness in my to-go carton.

So my day was not a perfect ten (I am of course referencing South Beach Steve's Motivation For Monday) but I'll take a five.

Lincoln Says You're Awesome

2009-11-16T21:02:00.000-08:00

Today was *awesome*. I got in my water and got back onto the exercise bandwagon. Ever since I was sick about a week and a half ago I've been seriously half-assing my exercise. If I don't want to be rubbing feet at the beginning of next year I neeeeeeed to exercise! End of story.

I got in a lot of healthy foods today... and very little processed food at all. And, no surprise here, I was full and stayed within my dailies with no problems. Luckily my fridge is stocked with all kinds of healthy (and easy) options, so let's keep this train a-movin'.

I was talking about my weight loss with Vern today... I let something slip before I'd realized it was even on my mind, but it really turned on a light for me. I realized that I have only lost 3 pounds since the middle of August. I also realized that I can only ride this "I lost 35 pounds this year, I am so freakin' awesome!" mentality so far. I need to keep moving. I have slipped into this comfort zone where I'm actually pretty happy with how I look, but... I need to make goal. I need to keep moving.

And I need to light a fire under my butt for this HOT 100 Challenge! I'm 14 pounds away from rubbing Vern's feet every night and I am not liking that prospect. I can do it. Come hell or high water. Jeesh.

I can't help but notice I'm always more cheerful when I'm doing well with my food intake and exercise... if I miss my exercise, I feel guilty and crabby. If I eat junk food, my stomach hurts. I guess that's a sort of odd non-scale victory for me.

Anyway, this was an extremely rambling post :) I hope everyone had as good a Monday as I.

2009-11-15T19:56:00.000-08:00

This weekend was hectic, to say the least, but I planned everything and it's all accounted for. Hoping for more of the same during the workweek (except for the hectic part...)

We did a lot of entertaining all throughout the weekend which I think makes it harder for me to just *focus* on being good. "Would you like some coffee?" "Did you get enough dinner?" "How about cinnamon rolls for dessert?" You get caught up in the little things and fail to stop and realize that they all add up.

I kept my cool through most of it and drank my water, etc. to keep full. I did indulge a little, but I actually mean a little. I took a bite here and there and I was satisfied.

I will have another loss this week, I can feel it!

Down .4

2009-11-14T08:02:00.000-08:00

I did remarkably well this week with my eating - exercising not so much. I gotta get back on that.

I went out last night with my girls and drank- a lot- and ate- a lot. I had a platter of french toast at a Denny's-esque establishment last night after I had dinner four hours prior and I still freaking lost. Kinda makes me wonder how I would have done if I didn't go out with the girls.

However, it just proves that WW works... I can still go out and have fun with my girls occasionally and not blow it. I'm happy with this loss :) I had the best intentions with my eating last night, but after the third apple martini I was all over onion rings and hummus and pita with abandon.

It's a good thing I drink about twice a year (tops), huh?

Wedding Stuff, Weight Loss Stuff

2009-11-12T21:54:00.000-08:00

Had an okay day... I was very snacky. Went into my weeklies a bit, but I had plenty to spare since I have been so good all week. I look forward to a good weigh in.

I have been getting a lot of wedding planning done and man, does that light the fire under me or what! Jeesh, I'm going to Mexico for seven days and I definitely want to give the other girls on the cruise a run for their money in my bikini... Of course I'll do that no matter what, but y'all know what I mean.

Next Friday is my official "6 Months Until the Big Day" mark- my God, I didn't think it would get here *that* fast! I have so much to do, but I have to make planning a priority.

Here's to a fab Friday, everyone :)

I'm Watching Heroes, and It's Sylar-ific

2009-11-11T21:03:00.000-08:00

Today was good, no complaints. I'm excited to see what the scale says on Saturday! Sorry for the short update, but as you can tell from my post title, I'm watching an awesome episode of Heroes :)

Rice Rice Baby, bom bom bom bom da da da da

2009-11-10T21:01:00.000-08:00

Today started off so oddly- my alarm went off for me to get up and work out, but in my state of half-sleep I convinced myself that there was no way I could work out this morning because there was something wrong with the ceiling of our house.

Upon waking up 45 minutes later, I realized that of course *nothing* is wrong with our roof and I was still sleeping when I turned my alarm off, obviously. So I did not work out this morning, but I did fit in a work out this afternoon.

I went over in points but not by many at all- I had another bowl of rice after dinner simply because it was soooo good the first time around.

Tomorrow morning I'll make sure that I get on that treadmill :) I have a second alarm set already.

I'm Totally Watching Good Eats Right Now. Best. Show. EVER.

2009-11-09T20:13:00.000-08:00

Today was a super-easy day, food-wise. By dinner, I had only had about 500 calories (and a ton of fiber and almost no fat) and I wasn't very hungry, but I knew I would be ravenous if I didn't have a good solid dinner. So I had a 6" Subway sammich and I was le yummy.

Learning how to eat my sandwiches without mayonnaise was difficult, but now I don't miss it at all. I think it was more psychological than anything, really.

I stayed away from drinking my calories today as well.

I took the day off from exercising today, but it's back to the treadmill tomorrow morning.

Have a good night all :)

I've Run Out Of Creative Ideas For Titles For These Damn Posts.

2009-11-08T19:30:00.000-08:00

I wasn't crazy-hungry today because I stayed mindful of how my body was feeling. I ate snacks when I needed them and went on a walk for a little over an hour.

Breakfast: One fried egg, half of a large potato's worth of home fries (cooked in a skillet with garlic, a tiny bit of oil, cayenne pepper, and chilli powder) mixed with onion

Snack: Hazelnut biscotti coffee

Snack: Apple

Lunch: Grilled cheese sandwich (two slices of high-fiber bread and two slices of FF cheese)

Snack: Quesadilla (Mission Low-carb flour tortilla and 1 oz regular shredded cheese) and a bag of 94% FF popcorn. I swear I don't eat a whole bag of popcorn on my own every day ^_~

Dinner 2: 2 cups of my honey's potato corn chowder - made with fake meat, onions, potatoes, corn, and cream of chicken soup (and a lot of water)

Snack: Sugar-Free Fat-Free Chocolate Fudge pudding and some Cool Whip Free

Reflecting on today, I definitely needed to add more veggies and/or fruits to my meals. I coulda had a V8 ^_~ Just kidding, V8's are gross. Seriously.

It was nice not to be pushing myself really hard during my walk today. It had kind of gotten to the point where I wouldn't really notice what was going on around me when I took my walks outside (as opposed to on my treadmill) and I would be so focused on the stopwatch that I didn't really enjoy it. Today I stopped to smell the roses, so to speak, and enjoyed myself much more.

I was happy that I didn't go into my weeklies today; on the contrary, I found it quite difficult to eat all my dailies. That's certainly a welcome change from the norm. Hopefully I can keep the trend going through the week!

A Good Day

2009-11-07T20:09:00.000-08:00

Today was good - I kept my eating in check and got my exercise in. I ran a lot of errands today and still managed to do well-

1. Met with our wedding officiant for the first time today at a Cocoa's Restaurant and I had nothing but a half-cup of coffee
2. Went shopping for my dad's birthday present while *starving* (my own damn fault, I shoulda had a snack in my purse)
3. Decorated for my dad's 50th birthday party
4. Partied like it was 2009 ^_^ Ok, I had 4 ounces of a watered-down margarita and two pieces of birthday cake. Dipped into my weeklies a little, but I had planned on eating the cake during the day so I ate light.

I feel very, very accomplished. I think I'm going to play a hot game of Harvest Moon on the Wii now :)

+2 lbs

2009-11-07T09:39:00.001-08:00

I'm not shocked, but I'm now relieved. I thought it was going to be much higher, actually. Turns out I didn't do as terribly as I'd thought.

Whatever. This is a new week and I'm feeling better. I can definitely get some activity in, even if it's just some light walking. I've spent the last three days in bed, not getting enough water, and not tracking. And I must say, I feel totally ICK. I've had a stomach ache for those three days as well. I'm happy to announce I'm good so far on my eating - oatmeal and wheat toast for breakfast.

Today is my dad's birthday party, but I will definitely be good as far as that goes- he's including salad and baked potatoes along with the steak he's serving, and I love me some baked potatoes. They're soooo filling too. And (as some of you may know) I'm not a huge fan of meat. I'll eat a steak occassionally, but I really have to be in the mood for it, and today is not one of those days.

I'm happy to be feeling better about my weight loss again.

I'll give another update tonight regarding how my whole day went.

As for the Hot 100 Challenege, I'm still in this! Every day is a chance for success. I think today is the first day in a loooong string of successful days :)

:P

2009-11-06T20:03:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to be getting past this week. I have been sick all week with a cold and am just now getting over it - I haven't worked out since Monday. I shudder to think what the scale is going to say tomorrow morning.

I have decided to update this blog daily. For better or for worse, I need to stay on track and in order to do that I need to reflect on each day.

So here's to tomorrow being a better day - I do plan on getting in my exercise :)

It Has To Be Done

2009-11-02T17:25:00.000-08:00

It's time to get this post out of the way- I'm tired of wallowing in self-pity.

On Halloween, I spent 10 hours in the back seat of a truck with my in-laws. We ate nothing but crap the entire day, and I have to spend the entire week making up for it.

Long story short, a Pumpkin Pie shake from Jack in the Box has 800 calories and 40 grams of fat - for their smallest size.

I took a long walk yesterday and thought a lot about what exactly I want from this weight loss, and how exactly I'm going to get it. I thought about why I was so successful in the beginning and now I simply seem to be spinning my wheels, more or less. The exercise is helping (a lot) but I'm simply not in strict-enough control of my eating.

So I'm going back to the basics.

Saying "no thank you" to anything offered to me - I didn't plan on eating it earlier, so I'm not eating it now.
Sticking to water.
Not having one piece of candy (granted, this should be easier now that my co-worker's desk isn't littered with the brightly-colored treats.)

Gawd, I'm going to be 185 at the end of this year, and I'm looking forward to it :)

Planned and Ready to Go

2009-10-25T06:08:00.000-07:00

It took me quite a while, but I planned out every single thing I'm going to eat this week- treats and all.

Never having planned out my whole week ahead of time before, I didn't think it was going to take so long, but I took the time to ensure I was getting a variety of foods while still getting in all my good health guidelines.

It was also quite eye-opening. I made a grocery list after a while because I realized I didn't have everything I would need to get through the week. I'll be heading to the grocery store this morning to pick up everything we'll need.

I stuck to my plan yesterday - got a really good amount of exercise and didn't go one point over my dailies. Hey, it turns out when you actually follow the WW plan how you're supposed to (as in, eating filling foods like fruits and veggies) you're not hungry. LOL, I wonder how many times I'm going to have to re-discover that fact before I start sticking to it permenantly.

Whatever, it's a learning process and I'm getting it. The rest of this year is going to be awesome :)

Up 1 Lb, Up in Motivation

2009-10-24T08:16:00.002-07:00

I gained a pound this week - no shock there for two reasons.

1. I didn't track most of this week.

2. I went back to exercising in the afternoons and *SURPRISE!* I missed three days.

And how do I plan on remedying this? This is my second gain in a row, and I'll be damned if I go back to my up-down-up-down routine. Plus I don't want to be giving Vern footrubs at the beginning of next year.

1. Track! And track ahead of time. Today I will track my meals for the entire week. I have never, ever done this before - and I will be getting in my good health guidelines every single day. End of story. My wedding isn't getting any farther away, and I'm not getting any younger.

2. Back to waking up early and exercising. It's as simple as that. I have a treadmill, so I'll be utilizing it in the mornings and Vern (the sweetie he is) claims he doesn't mind me gettin' on the old hamster wheel first thing in the morning. I should mention that the hamster wheel is in our bedroom and we cannot put it anywhere else in the house.

I think tracking the whole week ahead of time is going to be the difference-maker right there. When I know what's on the menu, I'm not looking around for something to put in my mouth. You don't make the best eating decisions when you're starving and staring at your fridge wondering, "What should I eat?"

One more thing - I have little motivational quotes all over my house, and they've been there for a few months. I think it's time to change those out and a) put up new quotes and b) put up some notes in relation to my new challenge - Photos of a relaxing spa, the list of crap I'll have to do if I don't succeed in my challenge (hitting 185.0 lbs by Dec 31 2009).

Off to pre-plan my week's meals. I would say "wish me luck" but I am so confident in my ability to succeed that I don't feel I need it. Make it a great day!

Motivation

2009-10-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

After reading Jack Sh*t's post about motivation, I talked it over with my honey Vern and he posed a challenge he thought I would never agree to.

But I have.

If I don't get to 185.0 lbs by the morning of December 31, I will be making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for Vern, giving Vern footrubs every night before bed, and will be the on-call 24-hour drink refiller for Vern. This will continue until I actually reach my weight goal.

And if (when) I do reach my goal by December 31st, I'm taking a day off work and going to a day spa. (I should note that Vern does all the cooking and rubs my feet daily anyway.)

I am so motivated right now, it's not even funny. This is going to be a piece of cake.

Hello re-inspiration!!!

2009-10-21T12:31:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday and all is well. I went through my weeklies and have dipped into my AP's somewhat, but I am still chuggin' along on my exercise. I have switched to working out on my treadmill instead of going outside, because it's just too cold and dark now.

The upside to working out on my treadmill is that I am now able to walk at a moderate pace instead of a low one (I was slowing down for my dad who was my walking partner before.) I have been getting just as many AP's in an hour when it used to take me an hour and a half. What what!

I'm aiming to eat no more AP's this week- I would like to see a significant drop, and I am thisclose to the "40 pounds gone" mark. I can do this!

Hope everyone's having a good week :)

Amazing.

2009-10-17T07:55:00.000-07:00

After all that worry and fear of what my weigh-in would be like, I gained a measly .2 lbs.

I'm going to go jump onto my treadmill right now just to make sure I keep my exercising going, because that's the thing that really saved me this week. Just walking for a little over an hour each day is all I'm doing, and it's manageable. I barely (very barely) even break a sweat, but that's the magic piece of the puzzle I was missing for so long.

I already look forward to next week. I know this week will be good, because I don't want to go through all the mental crap I went through this week again. It's just not worth it.

Now that my business law final is done (my final was on Thursday) and I no longer have that class twice per week, my week won't be so rush rush rush. Ahhhh... to look forward to my next weekend is welcome relief over all this worrying.

As for for the Hot 100 Challenge, I am so still in this game. Would I let something as tiny as .2 stop me? NO way. But I will definitely learn from it- it's one more little setback, and those little setbacks add up over time. I'm aiming to make the rest of the year (and my life) a long string of small victories.

I hope everyone has a good weekend :) I'm off to my hamster wheel for some me time.

Even the Lucky Hot Dog Dinner Can't Help Me Now

2009-10-16T17:08:00.000-07:00

After my last post, I would love to say I was a superstar all week- I ate my veggies, drank my water, exercised. For the most part that's true, although I didn't track- at all- after Sunday. I tracked today, but only for fear of how awful tomorrow's weigh-in will be.

I'll be the first to admit that I am extremely imperfect, and hey, whatever I gain tomorrow is what I earn. Back on the wagon full-force beginning last night.

I never feel that I need to say that I am "recommitting" - I am committed. I'm not 100% awesome at weight loss, but I never feel hopeless or overwhelmed. Pick up and move on. What the hell is my other option? Feel bad about? No way. Learn from it? Heck yes!

This weekend is dedicated to relaxation, and one thing on my to-do list is to go over my blog entries from when I first started. I think it will help me remember why I'm doing this in the first place. Eyes on the prize.

I look forward to tomorrow's weigh-in, as it will be a much-needed kick in the pants.

Down 1.6! And No Longer OBESE!

2009-10-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

Yeeeeeeah! That's what I'm talkin' about. No longer in Obeseville, and as Jack put it, I'm at the outskirts of Overweight City. Which isn't fabulous either, but dammit, it's awesome for me!!

I cannot stress enough how wonderful it is to see a loss almost every single week again. I really hit a rough patch where I was up down up down. It got kind of depressing, but I'm so proud that I was able to stick with it and move past all that. It's all about the exercise, really.

If you're thinking that you may want to begin exercise, take my advice: as someone who counted walking from the bedroom to the kitchen in the morning as exercise, you can work your way up to daily exercise like me. You just have to take baby steps. Every single weekday I get up and go on my "epic walk" as I used to call it- this epic walk is three miles long and has a huuuuuge hill. That hill used to kick my ass! Now I don't even break a sweat. You can do it.

But, as WW teaches, it's not just one thing that makes for successful weight loss. You have to have your water, watch your portions, track, exercise, talk about it with people (meetings) and feel mentally and spiritually ready to change yourself *and* accept yourself changed. Personally, I feel like I am starting to look a little bit like a deflated ballon- my stomach is flat and tiny, but it's still jiggly. I accept that. All it will take is a little strength training and I'll be perfect in only half a year. I accept that walking alone is not going to get my the perfect body, and to be honest, the perfect body is unattainable. The perfect body is in your head.

It feels so good to be back on track- really on track- again. I made a new set of goals for myself that I have hanging above my computer screen. They are:
~~205.0 - 30 pounds lost~~
~~200.0 - 35 pounds lost~~
~~199.9 - ONEderland hahahaha Oh man that one kills me every time~~
~~196.9 - No longer "obese"~~
195.0 - 40 pounds gone
193.0 - Lost all office job weight - lowest weight I have been in my adult life
192.5 - Lost 1/2 my excess weight that I need to lose
190.0 - 45 pounds gone
189.9 - AWESOME!!! I'll probably cry when I see this number
188.0 - 20% body weight lost
185.0 - 50 pounds gone

Ahhhhhh! The potential!!! I'm stoked.

As for the Hot 100 Challenge, I am doing well! Only 11.2 pounds to go :)

Everyone have a super-awesome weekend. You deserve it :)

Down 1.7!

2009-10-03T08:04:00.001-07:00

Feeling awesome... down 1.7 for the week. Guys, in a little over a pound, I won't be "obese" anymore!! I'm feelin' all kinds of awesome this morning. Not bad for skipping a whole day of working out *and* eating half of my weeklies.

So this will be the 100th time I've said this in the last month and a half, but man, that exercise is making all the difference in the world! I'm soooo happy.

Only 12.8 pounds to go until I complete Steve's Hot 100 Challenge. I can do this with my eyes closed!

Looking Forward to Tomorrow

2009-10-02T06:50:00.001-07:00

Yep, I was good this week. And when I exercise every day (going on week 6 of daily exercise, now) I feel good about my weigh-ins. In fact, I've only had two weeks when I wasn't super-confident about my weight loss, and those weeks I've either gained half a pound or flatlined. This is a really big deal for me, for those who don't know about my up-down-up-down track record.

I love that I feel confident almost every week now, and I will soon be to the point where I expect a loss every single week. Wooooohooooo for exercise.

I must say, though, that skipping the fast food/any meals in a restaurant has vastly helped me keep my food points under control. It's hard to lose a point... I am now eating roughly 200 Calories fewer per day than I did when I began my lifestyle change. That's 1400 Calories per week! That's a whole day's worth of food per week that I don't eat any longer simply because I made the choice to change my life. Fast food was not helping my lifestyle change cause. I could easily devour 1500 Calories in one meal, feel gross, and then be hungry again a few hours later. Ick.

If you told me a year ago that I would finally buckle down and make sincere, healthy choices for myself in one year's time, I would have said you were a damn liar. If you told me I would eat broccoli and cauliflower as snacks on the weekends, the thought alone would floor me. I could never imagine myself as one of those "health nuts."

I guess it's just like Jillian said, "You just have to change your mind."

Well, my mind's made up. I know I'm not going to have trouble with this coming holiday season because I am confident in myself. I deserve to be healthy and feel good about myself. Besides, I've learned that Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's are holidays, not holimonths.

Looking back on this post it was long, rambling, and a little off the subject of me looking forward to my weigh-in tomorrow, but whatever. I love this blog and being able to look back on my thoughts as I go through this metamorphosis in my life, and if it's random, then, I guess I'm feeling random.

Anyway, everyone have a truly random weekend :) I'll check in tomorrow with the good news on my loss.

A Day of Reflection

2009-09-30T06:28:00.000-07:00

My walking partner (AKA my dad) had to miss our walk yesterday due to an operation he was having, so I took the day off as well. I thought about it, and taking one day off (after an almost 30-day streak) would probably do me good. Apparently the resting phase of exercise is just as important as actually exercising.

But during the day, I started thinking about it a little too hard.

Logically, I know that not only is it okay for me to miss one day of exercise, it actually does my body good by letting it rest. I also slept for a good ten solid hours yesterday, and felt awesome all day long.

But then a little ounce of panic started to set in - oh my God, will this become a habit? Will I slip back into my old ways? OMG, what if I don't lose this week?!

Back to my regularly scheduled walk with my dad this morning I realized I'm fine. I'm okay with walking every single day because it's not exactly difficult to do, and it gives me some flexibility when one of us can't make it for the morning walk. I never thought I'd be at this point in my life- when missing one day of exercise causes me to freak out. Back in the day, I was lucky if I got any actual exercise in a 3-month span, let alone 7 days a week. That alone makes me feel pretty awesome, because I know I have come so far in 8 short months.

I know I will definitely lose this week, because I control what goes into my mouth- and I've been pretty darn good this week, I must say.

Speaking of, I'm doing well on the Hot 100 Challenge- getting in my exercise (minus the one day), not going overboard with food, and getting that water in :) I'm excited to see what the scale says this Saturday.

Have a great week everyone.

Flatline

2009-09-26T13:04:00.001-07:00

I didn't gain an ounce this week. I didn't lose anything either- I was exactly the same weight I was last week.

I cannot believe how much crap I ate this week. Hell, I didn't even track on Thursday and Friday, and believe me, there was no lucky hot dog dinner on my agenda.

I am also amazed that I gained nothing. Not one ounce. Chinese Buffet, pizza, cream-based soups, snack foods, breakfast croissants, and french fries all went into my mouth this week. Granted, I kept my portions under strict control; however, I'll be the first person to say that I definitely overate. I don't normally eat these types of foods, and I rarely had a fruit or veggie at all in the the past seven days.

It was the exercise that did it.

I get about 35 to 40 AP's every week now, thanks to my upgraded exercise schedule (read: walking for 1 hour 15 minutes every weekday, walking 2 hours both Saturday and Sunday.) I know it sounds silly, but I didn't think simply walking would have such an impact on my weight loss (or at least non-gain as it applied to this weigh-in.)

So, as is the grand tradition of me, I always have a really good week after a bad week. I am being super-ultra good this weekend... Saturdays set the standard for how my entire week will go, so I'm really focusing on making today a very, very good day.

As for the Hot 100 Challenge... hey, I didn't gain ;) I will be down 50 pounds total by the end of the year, though, no doubt about it. All I have to do is drop 14.2 pounds in the next three months. I can do this, no problem.

Everyone have a good weekend :)

The Hot 100

2009-09-24T06:53:00.001-07:00

I'm doing South Beach Steve's Hot 100- Going Out With a Bang Challenge! Since there are only 100 days left in the year (99 at this point) Steve thought we all oughtta go out with a bang, and it sounds awesome to me!

1. You have to come up with some goals.
2. You have to publish those goals.
3. You have to give a status follow-up on those goals at least every ten days.

So here are my goals-

1. Hit 50 pounds lost by the end of the year (and keep it off!) So I need to be at 185 pounds by the end of this year.
2. See above.
3. Sure thing.

And I'll accomplish these goals by doing what I've been doing- waking up early, exercising, eating right, etc. I'm all excited now :)

You Gotta Want It

2009-09-23T20:05:00.000-07:00

When I started this (excuse the obscenely over-used phrase) "weight loss journey," I was... desperate. Without a clue. I had always known what I needed to do to lose the weight, but I never actually applied it to my real life. It's easy to watch the famous Eat Less, Move More video from MadTV and laugh- it's really very simple, right?

Wrong.

You have to want it. Then, and only then, will you find that you can actually apply it to your life.

No more excuses. So you have kids? A husband? A wife? 6 dogs? 3 jobs? One leg? No time for exercise? They sound like personal problems to me. If you don't want it, fine. Blame your kids, blame your job, blame your damn genetics for the reasons why you "can't" lose the weight.

It all starts with your mind. Want it. Want it bad enough that the mere thought of not getting it scares you. The excuses will fall by the wayside. "How could I possibly...?" becomes "Why didn't I try this before??"

I have thought a bit lately about what exactly I want out of these weight loss shenanigans I've been pulling. Looking hot for my wedding? That was definitely the catalyst. But now that I've lost almost half the weight I am aiming for, and I am now at the weight I've been at for most of my life, I'm starting to see the potential.

I'm starting to be able to actually imagine myself at a smaller size. That was something I have never in my life been able to do. I'm not talking about seeing before and after pics of someone who's about my height and starting weight. I'm talking about me.

And I look smokin' hot in this lofty vision of me.

And I know I will obtain it, because I want it.

It has taken me almost 8 months to lose 35 pounds. I'm not the most inspiring blogger out there- I can think of many off of the top of my head who've had much more success more quickly, and you know what? If it works for them, awesome. If they can turn it into a sustainable lifestyle, even more awesome. More power to them. But I'm me, and this is how I'm doing it. Slowly. With lots and lots of mistakes. And that's exactly what's making me want this more.

Because I don't imagine myself at 150 pounds being perfect. Drinking with the girls will happen. Mom's extra-famous once-a-year fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and white gravy dinner will happen. SO WHAT? I gain a pound one week, and lose that pound and a little more the next. The general chart is going down, and if I'm 100% honest with myself, I'm really not losing all that slowly. I think 50 pounds in one year is pretty damn good.

So now that I've realized my potential, I've realized that there are a slew of hidden reasons why I want this. It's easy to say, "For better health" and "to live longer." But people, I'm 22! I haven't had health scares. I just want to feel better. I want to not be winded. I want to jump up and run around and skip and go go go go go and not be out of breath and sweaty. I'm young, I'm beautiful, and dammit I want this because I want to be the best me I can be.

So tell me... why do you want it?

Wedding Thoughts, etc.

2009-09-23T06:43:00.000-07:00

I've had a decent week- I have eaten all my weeklies, thanks to a Chinese buffet on Saturday (right when I hit the 190's, go figure) but I've been exercising but butt off, pun intended. I don't expect a huge loss this week, but I do expect a loss.

It is so odd to me that some weeks I don't feel like even going into my weeklies, and some weeks I all but obliterate them (and my AP's, too.) Oh well, I guess that's what makes this plan so manageable.

In other news, I want to take a moment and outline my weight loss goals for my wedding. I want to be down 50 pounds by the end of this year (so, 185 pounds) and I want to be about 170-175 on my wedding day in May. I know these are pretty attainable goals, following my current trend, so I guess I'll just keep pluggin' along :) Man, I'm gonna look cute on my wedding day.

Have a good second-half of the week, all.

ARRRR! Happy Pirate Sunday!

2009-09-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

Happy Sunday, from Vern and me. Just because :) :) :)

ONEderland!!!

2009-09-19T08:15:00.000-07:00

I finally did it- I hit the 190's this morning! I am now the proud owner of a 199.2 pound body. Beats 235 :)

Holy crap. Just 6 more pounds and I'll be back to where I was before I started working for my current place of employment- a cushy desk job. After that, I will be the lowest I have been in my adult life: I haven't been below 192 since I was a sophomore in high school.

This is freaking awesome. It's taking me a while but who cares? It's my race, my pace, and I'm learning as I go. Around the time appearances started to matter to me, I ballooned to 190 and I haven't been down since, so, in essence, I've never actually been thin/fit/whatever. I'm glad I found WW because I swear to God without that program I would have given up by now.

So, I'll just continue to do what I've been doing so I don't go over that 200-crest ever again. Drink my water, track, exercise.

Man, I'm gonna look so smokin' hot on my wedding day, it's not even funny. (May 20, 2010... it's comin' up ^_^)

NSV and Exercise Thoughts

2009-09-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

I am doing very, very well this week on my eating and exercise- by the end of the week I'll have 42 AP's, and I haven't eaten a single WP. Awesome!

My NSV is this- I am so close to being in the 190's, and I'm so sure I'm going to hit it this week, that I'm actually having to resist the urge to step on the bathroom scale. That is my victory. I'm not a chronic scale-checker... I weigh in once a week at my meetings, and that's it. I don't have the urge to do it at all throughout the week because what's the point? Your weight fluctuates every day, and you can't trust a daily weight, honestly.

But that fact that I am sooooo excited for this weigh in that I am having to fight the urge to step on the scale early is my NSV. Granted, it's not difficult to stay off the damn thing; but hey, I'm doing it! Woooohoooo!

I can't say enough how much changing my exercise routine has helped me. I always swore up and down that I was fine with working out in the afternoons, and you'd never catch me getting up early to exercise! But getting my exercise out of the way first thing in the morning is tremendously helpful in my weight loss efforts. There are several reasons why exercising first thing in the morning (for me) is the best way to go:

1. It's out of the way! I get done with it, and I don't have to worry/think about it all day long.
2. It always gets done. I don't have anything that comes up, and I haven't been awake long enough to make excuses.
3. I don't have to worry about sunburn or heat
4. It's peaceful and quiet, and I get bonding time with my dad (AKA my walking partner)
5. Did I mention that I don't have to even think about it the rest of the day?!

If anyone who is reading this is looking to get more exercise in their day, I would urge you to at least try exercising in the morning. Okay, you have to get up a little earlier- who cares? Go to bed earlier. If you think you'll miss your favorite show, you're wrong... most popular TV shows are shown on either Hulu or the network's website the day after airing, so you can watch 'em whenever. Or get a DVR.

It took a little getting used to, but after a week it was nothing. Now I'm completely used to it, and I'm so happy I made the change.

I hope everyone has as great a week as I am having :)

Up .4

2009-09-12T15:20:00.000-07:00

I'm surprisingly happy about this. I had three *huge* slices of carrot cake on Thursday that I didn't track, at all my weeklies before that, and then didn't track at all on Friday (although I watched how I ate... I just didn't track.) So this morning the damage was only up .4.

Wow.

I have the keep this exercise regimen going... it's saving my ass from gaining crazy numbers. And hey, my weight would even go down if I kept the overeating to a minimum. I don't feel too bad about this small gain, though... three day weekend, Ran Faire fried food, and a couple of birthdays happened this week, so I don't think I did terribly at all.

Instead of going on about how I'll make next week better, I think I'm going to make today better. It's already 3:30 and I've only had half of my points, which is awesome for me. I am trying to keep from going over my dailies today, and I'll do the same tomorrow. I have a lot of trouble on the weekends for some reason... I have a feeling that it's because I don't plan my day ahead of time as I do with the weekdays.

I have two red flags this next week, and if I plan carefully I can avoid having them be downfalls. One of them is my sewing class on Wednesday, and I barely have enough time to wolf down dinner after work and be at the class on time. I will need something quick/easy or already thrown together in order to make dinner happen on that night. The second red flag is my little sister's birthday... her party is on Friday, and I volunteered to help make the deep-fried chicken strips. The fact that the part is on a Friday will keep me good as my WI is on Saturday morning, but come on, they're fried chicken strips! They're delicious. So I'll eat one or two and be done, and I'll definitely eat something filling, low-cal, and nutrient-dense before I dive into that project.

Exercise won't be a problem- I can't say enough how awesome it is to have a partner help you with exercise. The thing that really drags my ass out of bed at 5 AM every weekday is the fact that my dad is waiting for me so we can go on our walk. I'm not going to stand him up, so I get movin' the moment the alarm clock goes off.

I just need to be wary of sweets this next week. I had the worst sweets craving this past week (may have something to do with TOM, but we'll see...) and downed two Hostess Snowballs, a vending machine fudge brownie, ice cream every single day (literally), trips to Vern's desk for chocolate, a couple of Warm Delights throughout the week, all that cake... wow. I'm shocked I didn't gain more.

Well, here's to a new, awesome week. :)

Nanananananananananananananana BATMAN!!

2009-09-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

I'm still chugging along with the new exercise regimen; having my father waiting for me to go walking in the mornings definitely helps.

I am much hungrier this week and have already gone through my weeklies, but thanks to my crazy AP's I am good for the week anyway. All that Ren Faire fried/smothered food on Saturday did not help! Oh well, it was freakin' delicious :)

Just a quick update on my lunch break I'm afraid. Talk to y'all later :)

New Progress Photo

2009-09-06T18:23:00.001-07:00

201.8 pounds, I am in my Ren Faire dress :) Took this photo yesterday morning.

Down 3.8!!

2009-09-05T08:07:00.000-07:00

What do you know, this whole exercise thing really does work.

33.2 total down :)

2009-09-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

Day 3 of my exercise switch and I'm feeling good. I don't feel exhausted, which is le awesome.

I thought I would be super-hungry after I increased my activity level, but the affect on me is quite the opposite- I have only had 4.5 of my weeklies, and I'm not starving when I go to bed. It may be because I go to bed an hour earlier now, so I don't have that extra hour to feel snacky. I eat my breakfast at the same time each morning, so that hasn't changed.

I am going to have over 40 AP's this week. I am soooo hitting the 190's in two WI's... I can feel it!

Peachy Keen

2009-09-01T13:01:00.000-07:00

Day two of Operation Crack Of Dawn is underway, and I feel tired. Tired but good. I am rather looking forward to my four-day weekend.

I'm finding it very freeing to come home from work and not worry about when/how/if I will exercise for the day. It's already done! And I did it when it was nice and cool, and my poor pale skin isn't burnt to a crisp.

I can't wait for my WI on Saturday!

New Beginnings

2009-08-31T06:40:00.000-07:00

After a 3+ gain on Saturday, I decided it was time to finally change something. I am so sick and tired of this weight loss roller coaster, and it's all my own damn fault. So I actually listened to my leader at my meeting: she told everyone to pick two habits they could change over the next month that will help with our weight loss. My two habits:

1. Instead of "trying" to exercise in the afternoon (when it's insanely hot and even the house is stifling so there's no way I'm jumping on my treadmill) I'm getting my walking out of the way in the morning. My dad and I woke up at 5 AM today, got 1 hour 15 minutes walking out of the way, and it's done. I don't have to worry about it, it's nice and cool, and I don't have to make excuses. Plus I'll be getting more APs than ever.
2. Fast food- It's done. Finito. Finished. It is out of my life. I simply can't deal with fast food. I exercise literally no judgement when it comes time to order. And Vern is fine with it (he's trying to lose weight also.) I have tried all year to embrace the "you can eat whatever you want" lifestyle, but there are some foods I can't have in the house, period (*cough* potato chips *cough*) and now fast food has been added to the list. I'm talking meal replacement fast food- no Jack in the Box for dinner. If we're going to Red Lobster to celebrate a birthday, fine.

I will get out of this ridiculous self-imposed rut. I will. I have to. Because this lose-gain-lose-gain bullshit is over with. I want to lose 50 pounds by the end of this year, and I can do it, dammit. No more half-assing, no more excuses.

A major change is exactly what I need, and those two habits are going to certainly help on my way to even more weight loss.

Happy Monday, everyone :)

2009-08-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

I've been doing well-ish this week. I ate all my weeklies during the weekend, but I made up for it with a good amount of activity.

I'm a little nervous... my class started started yesterday. My class is every Tuesday and Thursday for three hours apiece, and it is taught at my work. While this is insanely convenient, I'm going to be at work for 12 hours straight, twice per week. Blah.

I've taken a class like this before, and I was always ravenous- of course, this was before Weight Watchers. Yesterday I brought every single snack and meal I might need, and I felt fine! I actually ended up with 9 dailies left over, which I promptly took care of with some cheese, ice cream, and cashews when I got home. Yum!

I don't think this class will put a damper in my weight loss eating-wise, and I have shifted my days off of exercise from Mondays and Fridays to Tuesdays and Thursdays to accomodate the change.

Anyway, I'm not sure WHAT the scale will say on Saturday morning. I can only pray :) (And exercise).

Down .2

2009-08-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

Eh.

I expected more, but hey, a loss is a loss.

I'm exhausted, and going to sleep again. I hope everyone has a better week than I :)

From a Freakishly Cold Baseball Field in San Diego

2009-08-21T17:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, I don't pay an astronomical mortgage for a cold, drizzly San Diego summer. WTF?

I had a damn good week... Ate my weeklies barely dipped into my AP's; I ended up with 25 AP's. I had my LHDD and I'm feeling good!

I think I'll do okay at tomorrow's WI :)

Busy Busy Busy

2009-08-20T20:57:00.001-07:00

I have done petty well this week, in both the eating and exercise arenas. I have eaten all my weeklies and dipped into my AP's by one point- not bad for having a dinner at Claim Jumper this week, if I do say so myself.

I will need to switch up my exercise schedule again, starting next week. My Business Law class starts next week; it's an 8-week course, twice a week, three hours per class. So, every Tuesday and Thursday, I will be at work from 8:00 AM until 8:00 PM (as this class is very conveniently being taught at my work!) Then in the second week of September, I start my sewing class, which is held on Wednesdays... so I'm going to be a very busy girl during the week.

Plus the Biggest Loser starts September 15th, so I have to take that into consideration too :) I don't care what people say, I love that show to death.

We'll see how I do on the scale this week. I am expecting a loss, but I'm pretty sure I won't be hitting the land of 100's until next week. But I'm still excited about it :)

I'm sure I'll update tomorrow while eating my Lucky Hot Dog Dinner. G'night guys :)

Goooood Weekend

2009-08-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

Stoked from my loss on Saturday morning, I spent yesterday determined to feel sexy- and I did! Proof positive that this whole weight loss thing is 98% mental.

My in-laws are starting to actually notice my weight loss (finally). That made me feel good :)

I went on my epic walk with my Dad yesterday, had a hot dog for lunch and veggie pizza for dinner. Surprsingly I only went into my weeklies by 8. I must admit that hot dogs and pizza aren't my normal fare, though. It was nice to change up the routine a little.

I'm glad I'm back to doing Weight Watchers the way it's supposed to be done- eating my weeklies is okay. Eating my activity points is okay. Jeez. It's really not that hard, and it took me a little while to get back into the swing of it all.

I've kind of gotten my second wind with this whole weight loss thing. (Only took me four months, right?) I must say, I'm rather proud of my resilience. I'm usually so overcome by setbacks that I'll quit and sulk. Bah! Who needs an attitude like that? It's all about your outlook on life in general anyway... and I have quite a bright future ahead of me :) (You can tell I'm feeling awesome because I've used an exceptional amount of smilies in this post, even for me. ^_^)

Dad and I went on another epic walk this morning, followed by working on our abs and then I enjoyed my Old Lady Breakfast. Mmmmmm :) I have some chores to do today, and then I'm going to relax and catch up on reading my blogs, then trying to finish my book. It's going to be a nice day!

I hope everyone has a good day :)

Down 2.8!

2009-08-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

I practiced a lot of moderation at my sister's birthday party last night (even had a whole fried pork chop, homemade fries, and my crazy chocolate cake and cookie dough ice cream) and was still able to lose 2.8 this week!

I certainly was NOT expecting to lose that much! Wow. I broke through my 30-pound mark. Now my next big goal is to get into the 190's!!! 2.7 more pounds and I'm there! Sweet... I'm feelin' skinnier and skinnier all the time.

I'm heading up to the in-law's today, and hoping to keep my portions etc. under control. I just need to remember to drink lots and lots of water; I've already gotten my exercise for the day out of the way, and I have all my weeklies back.

Lots of luck to everyone for this week :)

From a 75-Degree Softball Field in San Diego

2009-08-14T17:23:00.000-07:00

I did well this week... Earned 21 APs, ate most of my weeklies.

No Lucky Hot Dog dinner for me today; we are celebrating my sister's birthday tonight and Dad is making pork chops. Those are surprisingly fewer points than my LHDD anyway. I just need to stay away from my delicious chocolate cake (w/ chocolate fudge frosting and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.)

30 pounds lost, here I come!

Jessica' 100th Post Spectacularrrrrr

2009-08-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

It's my 100TH POST! I honestly can't believe I've already taken up 100 posts talking about pretty much nothing. So to celebrate this momentous occassion, I will list 100 things that have contributed in some way to my weight loss!

1. My sense of self-worth
2. My amazing fiance and family, without whom I would never have the strength to do this. It takes a village... for Jess to lose 85 pounds. I'm pretty sure that's how the saying goes.
3. My treadmill!
4. Fiber. Thank God for fiber.
5. Weight Watchers! Duh.
6. My co-workers, who go out of their way during potlucks to bring something at least semi-healthy for people on diets.
7. That photo of me on Christmas Day... go to my progress photos on the right. You'll see what I mean. Ick.
8. My meetings every Saturday. They keep me centered.
9. Walks with my Dad every Saturday morning.
10. My Wii Fit
11. The Biggest Loser: although the show unrealistic, I loooove to hear Jillian Michaels yell that these people deserve better for themselves and to work for it. It's inspiring.
12. Water. Lots of water.
13. Walking! OMG, that's pretty much all I do on the treadmill, and it's defnitely all I do outside.
14. Apples- one a day.
15. Edamame
16. Double-fiber bread
17. Getting enough sleep at night
18. Indulging: if I want chocolate or a cheeseburger, I have it- only not every single time I crave them. I have certainly learned moderation throughout my journey.
19. Compliments!
20. My impending wedding day. I'll be damned if I jiggle down the aisle.
21. Deciding it was time that my eating habits grew up, too.
22. HungryGirl - 'nuf said.
23. The thought of me having a heart attack one day.
24. The thought of never having a "before I got pregnant" body to compare myself to after having kids.
25. The thought of shattering that "fat housewife" stereotype
26. Diet Dr. Peppers (although I am slowly working diet sodas out of my life.)
27. Diet Vanilla Creme Sodas (again with the "diet soda isn't good for you AT ALL" spiel.)
28. This girl at work who has been on WW for like, three months, and she's almost lapping me. I mean, good for her- honestly. But it showed me that I was really, really slacking.
29. My desire to shop at a "normal girl" store in the mall. No more Lane Bryant or Torrid for me, thank you.
30. My mirror, or any other reflective surface.
31. Being selfish: Because I cut back drastically (for me) on fast food, so did my fiance.
32. Reading food labels. Meticulously.
33. Keeping my hands busy with hobbies and chores.
34. Celebrating things by taking a nice long walk with a family member instead of going out to Red Lobster.
35. My scale
36. My Biggest Loser competition at work
37. Fiber One bars
38. Being at work: all my co-workers know I'm changing my lifestyle and losing weight. So one day when I had a chocolate doughnut on my desk, my co-worker told me she felt okay cheating that day because I, the current beacon of weight loss at the office, gave her a "free pass."
39. Ignoring weight loss schemes: pills, shakes, insane regimens. Let's get this straight people: nothing except diet and exercise has been proven to cause people to lose weight. Stop "trying everything" and just do what works. Period.
40. Stairs.
41. Salmon
42. Skinny Cow Ice Cream. I could kiss the person who invented them!
43. The weight loss blogging community
44. Every time I am able to fit back into an old piece of clothing, it pushes me that much harder to keep going!
45. Vanity.
46. My desire for others to not assume things about me before they get to know me.
47. There's nothing holding me back.
48. Commitment to a lifestyle and not a six-week fad.
49. To show other girls in my position that it can be done. By that I mean girls who have always been the funny fat friend, never having been thin in their adult lives.50. Baby steps.
51. Realizing that I didn't put all this weight on in a month, and I'm not going to lose it in a month either.
52. Remembering that it's a holiday, not a holimonth.
53. My giant ass- for one day, I know it will be defeated.
54. Pride
55. It feels good to look hot, and I want to know what that feels like.
56. Having confidence in myself- I can do this. I deserve it. And why the hell not?
57. The thought of going through my honeymoon with cellulite-laden thighs.
58. Oatmeal
59. Lucky Hot Dog Dinner - every Friday, people.
60. Lo-Carb Monsters. Nothing on earth will make you poop like a Monster. (In case of possible weight gain, crack one open. Seriously.)
61. The thought of one day being called, "That skinny bitch."
62. My pedometer. I'm always trying to get the high score :)
63. Inspirational weight loss quotes.
64. Inspirational weight loss stories.
65. Frosted Shredded Wheat. Holy crap dude, I thought I'd have to give up sweet cereals forever- not true.
66. Fat free milk! I'm a milk-lover, so switching to this calorie-saver helped immensely.
67. In fact, fat-free just about everything.
68. Techno music- it pushes me harder on the treadmill.
69. Sex. Because nothing compels you to lose weight more than realizing your "chubby lingerie" is getting kind of tight.
70. Not letting setbacks get me down. So I stopped tracking for a week. What am I gonna do, quit? F*ck that.
71. Being realistic- NO, I won't commit to working out 7 days a week, because I can't honestly see doing that for the rest of my life. I enjoy my days off of exercise, and it makes me enjoy actually exercising even more.
72. Mini-Goals. Because 5% sounds less-daunting, more attainable, and more time-constricted than "I need to lose 85 pounds in the next year-and-a-half."
73. Refusing to compare myself to others. I am not them as they are not I.
74. My BMI and seeing it get closer and closer to me just being "overweight."
75. My sister. The girl is about 25 pounds less than I am right now and looks smokin-ass hot. Did I mention we often get mistaken to be twins? I can't WAIT to be her weight.
76. Going from "I hope I can do this" to "I know I can do this."
77. Dancing
78. Deoderant- because there is no way I'm going to willingly develop horrible B.O. for the sake of looking good.
79. Watching my portion sizes
80. Knowing that going to a buffet isn't my Last Meal.
81. Not "starting my diet on Monday," but rather taking steps now.
82. Having waiters cut my meals in half, and boxing up the rest.
83. Ordering water only at restaurants.
84. Cutting waaaaaay back, in general, on liquid calories. I used to drink a couple of cans of coke a day, and wondered why I was gaining so much weight.
85. The thought of one day sticking it to my beautiful, stick-thin doctor who decided to refer me to a "weight-loss specialist" even though I told her I was already losing weight on my own. Skinny bitch.
86. Keeping a snack in my purse at all times.
87. Not joining a gym: You heard me. NOT joining one. Because I'm not going to drag my ass all the way to the gym after 8.5 hours of work. I'm too lazy for that. I'd just rather take a walk, save myself $50 a month, and leave the gas in my car.
88. Parking my car out in the boonies. You know those people who circle a parking lot forever to find a "good spot?" Yeah, I'm not one of them.
89. Not buying potato chips. They are my kryptonite, and I accept that they are the one item that I absolutely, under no circumstances, can have in the house. If I want chips, I buy a snack-size back at the ball park with my Luck Hot Dog Dinner.
90. Weighing in in front of other people.
91. Having to write about my weigh-ins on this blog.
92. Snacking allllllll daaaaaaay looooooooong. I don't let myself get hungry.
93. Planning my meals! It takes the guesswork out of my whole day.
94. Tracking the foods I eat.
95. Shopping with a grocery list.
96. Eating meals on smaller plates. It looks like I'm eating more, and my simple brain enjoys a full plate no matter how big the plate is.
97. Notes all over my house- I start my day with one on the bathroom mirror, and end it with one by my bed.
98. Recognizing that if I'm feeling "snacky" or "munchy", I really just need a glass of water.
99. The phrase, "No, thank you."
100. Believing in myself.

Whew! I can't believe I actually came up with 100... jeez. I'm almost at 7 months of WW, and I'm very, very certain that on Saturday I will hit 30 pounds lost. I'm very excited to see what the rest of this year holds for me, and I can't wait to celebrate my 1,000th post!

Everyone have a wonderful week; and good luck to you all :)

Wii Fit NSV

2009-08-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

I was reading through my old blog posts, and one of the first ones I ever wrote was about my Wii Fit, how awesome I felt when I was done using it, and how hard it was for me.

I decided to give it another go, as I haven't stepped on it in a while. How long, you ask? Well...

My Wii Fit is a smart-ass.

I decided to take another fitness test since I hadn't had one since I first got my Wii Fit on Christmas. Check out my comparison results:

The grey line is where I was around Christmas. Not bad, eh? By the way, I'm pretty sure my Wii Fit Balance Board is on crack, because it always says I'm about 15 pounds less than I actually am. But I view this chart as relatively accurate considering it weighed me around 15 pounds less the first time I stepped onto it also.

I think my very favorite NSV today was when I was able to do the Tree Pose... a yoga post that I had really wanted to be able to do when I first got my Wii Fit, but I couldn't make my legs bend like that. And you know what? It was so easy!

This is embarassing... I am insanely pale and live in San Diego, but you know what? It least I can do the Tree Pose.

I did every single yoga pose on my Wii Fit, and unlocked all of the locked ones and did those too. And I was able to do every single one of them without dying. OMG, I feel so freaking awesome!

I hope everyone has as good a week as I am having!

NSV and Goals!

2009-08-09T13:47:00.000-07:00

I couldn't stand it any longer- I needed a new pair of jeans. My jeans were faded and started developing worn areas... I'm a fan of jeans, tee-shirt, flip flops; you know, regular San Diego wear.

So, I went to my go-to jeans place, Wal-Mart (ghetto jeans, holla!) and picked up my normal size which I already know is too big (18), and the next size smaller (16), which I already know is too small. I think makers of jeans do this kind of crap on purpose, honestly.

I went out with friends last night in my size 18's which were SO uncomfortable, baggy, and I honestly just didn't feel sexy in them. This morning I squeezed into my size 16's and wore them for a few hours before they became accustomed to my gut.

So as I sit here now, I have a NSV: I am currently SITTING in size 16 jeans, on a full stomach, and I am not uncomfortable. Yay!!!

I'm soooooo close to a lot of little goals... I have blogged about these recently, but I'm trying to think of rewards for them. As you can see, they get slightly more and more ridiculous because I haven't thought of what I'll actually do once I reach these goals.

205: 30 pounds lost
Eh, I just got a pedicure. I'll count that as my reward.
200: 35 pounds lost
Make myself some pretty jewelry with supplies from Michael's to match this gorgeous green dress Vern bought for me.
199.9: I'm in the 100's!
Call my sister, freak out at my WW meeting, and blog about it. Oh, and go to dinner with Vern in aforementioned pretty dress and jewelry.
197.2: Met "15 pounds before Fall" challenge (must be completed by Sept 21st)
Trip to Julian to drink apple cider and eat caramel apples (Julian is a beautiful little town north of San Diego county that looks awe-inspiring in the autumn) This trip will probably be sometime in October :)
196: No longer "obese"
Do the "Jump in the Line" dance from Beetlejuice- floating, dead football players, rocking chairs rockin' out, the whole nine yards.
195: 40 pounds gone
I already have this reward... I've got a ton of clothing from this weight in my closet already. Shopping for cute work outfits in my closet is reward enough! (OK, so this one's serious.)
193: Lost all of my office job weight
High-five myself
190: 45 pounds gone
Embarass my little froshie sister by interrupting her Spanish class and yelling, "¡Me falta un montón de manteca de cerdo!" (or, "I am lacking lots of lard!")
189.9: I haven't been in the 180's since I was a sophomore in high school. I will probably cry.
Not sure what this one will be... I'm thinking something epic though.

Down 2.0

2009-08-08T12:58:00.000-07:00

I'm liking this whole "Do Weight Watchers correctly and it will actually work" thing. I get to eat, I don't beat myself up, and I lose weight! Down 2.0, .4 to go until I hit 30 pounds lost!

Weigh-In Time :)

2009-08-08T05:10:00.000-07:00

Well, here's to drinking giant cans of Lo-Carb Monster Energy drinks right before bed... I was awake at 3:30 this morning! Ack! I leave for my weigh-in in a little over an hour, so I thought I'd blog about my week.

I have been practicing what Weight Watchers really is, not what I want it to be: this means that when I dipped into my weeklies this week, I didn't feel horrible about it. That's what they're there for! And honestly, I'd rather lose 1 pound every single week rather than gaining 3 one week, and losing 4 the next. It's hard on me physically and mentally. WW is all about pacing yourself, and I'm trying my damnedest to get back to the basics.

I did rather well, I think. I ended the week with an even 25 AP's, and ate all but 10.5 of my weeklies. I'm oddly excited about my weigh-in this morning. Plus after I weigh in I can finally EAT something! Jeez, I'm freakin' starving!

I'll let you guys know how it goes!

If THAT Doesn't Motivate Me...

2009-08-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

As a lot of you know, I started losing weight in large part because I want to look good on my wedding day.

My motivation fluctuates. Yesterday, I was motivated by little "you can do it!" notes around my house. In a way, I'm still motivated by them.

Today, my happy ass was motivated by wedding bustier shopping. I know, it sounds odd, but I'm having a medieval-themed wedding, and my fiance's parents are making my dress. I will be wearing a white-and-ice-blue silk dress, which includes a bustier that goes on the outside of the dress.

I fit into a "large" black-and-white bustier at Charlotte Russe, but just barely. Folks, I had things spillin' out all over the top of that pretty piece, and there is no way in hell I'm looking like that on my wedding day.

Move over, excuses. Here comes Super-Jess. She's back, and she's back for vengeance.

DUN DUN DUN!!!

(Above is my dress... future in-laws are modeling it after this one, but taking out a few things there, adding a few things here... you know.)

Mile Marker: 130

2009-08-02T10:06:00.001-07:00

This post is going to be a lot of kicking myself and blah blah blah about random weight loss crap. Just FYI.

My father started Weight Watchers a few months ago, and has now lost about 26 pounds. My daddy's a big dude- he started WW at 385-ish, 49 years old, and 6' 2". He is now in the 360's and, for the first time in his life, is watching what he eats and exercising without overdoing it. He is my weight loss sounding board. Whenever I gain (and he knows just how many, many times I've half-assed WW and gained... as most of you know, it's a lot) my dad gave me some fatherly advice as we were out on our 1.5 hour walk this morning.

My dad told me that most people who are trying to lose weight would kill to be in my situation.

Of course I asked why he thought that. He responded that I'm still young, and relatively speaking, I really don't have that much to lose. I haven't had any kids, I have no diseases, I have a supportive fiance, I make enough money to eat well.

Then he said something that really clicked with me: I was going on and on about "I don't know what the hell my problem is, why can't I just stick to the plan, I know it works." My dad said that my problem is that I don't have a problem. I'm creating one by thinking I have one, and it's become a self-fullfilling prophecy; a mental block that I created all by my lonesome. He also told me to get over it (basically) but was very, very nice about it.

He is so right.

Here I am: young, gorgeous already (when I try, honestly), bursting with confidence and personality. I already have the hard stuff down pat. I just need to get re-motivated.

I think that's what's holding me back mentally: motivation. When I started Weight Watchers, I was determined to NOT jiggle down the aisle on my wedding day. And now that I'm more or less back at the weight I've been at for most of my adult life, I feel like I'm kind of "done" losing weight. But I'm SO not even close to being done.

In order to get my ass back on track, I'm having to start thinking outside the box on a couple of things:

1. I need to accept the fact that I will always have the lifestyle where I go out to eat. Period. It's not going out to eat that needs to change, it's what I do when I get there.

Solution: Order my same favorite stuff (because screw trying new stuff; I like what I like) but get half of it boxed up before it gets to my table. I tried this for the first time yesterday at Red Robin, and you know what? I wasn't stuffed and I didn't go ballistic and wipe out all my weeklies. I made it out of yesterday having only consumed 3.5 weeklies. And my waiter totally didn't think it was weird! And I got to eat my mushroom swiss burger and garlic parmesean fries, and it was awesome!

2. I have posted notes to myself all over the house. Inspirational quotes, my own thoughts and feelings, and a note to myself on my fridge that says, "Girl, you're getting lapped by N00BZ, step it up!! You can do it!!" It sounds so cheesey, but it actually helps!

3. I need to stop making The Program be what I've decided it should be. Up until recently, I've had a strict "Never ever eat your weeklies" rule, and I have made a bad habit of blowing it ALL week when I have one bad meal (again, usually when I've gone to eat at a restaurant.)

Solution: Jess, it's okay to eat your weeklies. In fact, I'd like it if you ate them so you don't feel deprived. It's okay to take your days off of exercise: you already exercise for 45 minutes, three days a week and for 1.5 to 2 hours on each weekend day- that is enough! Don't feel guilty for taking those two days off! It's all right!

And I need to recognize that this is a journey- not a stop along the way. Gaining? Losing? None of it matters if I'm not in it for the long haul. Who cares if I'm not 150 pounds on my wedding day?? At the rate I'm going, I'll be pretty damn close anyway even though I'm taking my sweet time getting there. This is about my life, not about how good I look on my wedding day, or about not having a fat ass in a bikini on my honeymoon: who cares?? If my goal is just to look good, that won't cut it.

It's got to be about a life change. And I can feel my life changing every single day, especially on weeks when I don't "do well." One day last week, I had potato chips and chocolate for dinner. And I felt like I was hit by a friggen' truck afterwards; my body is so not used to crappy food anymore, and THANK GOD for that!! It really helped me to be "good" for the rest of the week.

Ack. I hate documenting bad weeks. I hate it. But I have to. What else am I going to do? Stop blogging? Stop going to my WW meetings? Stop tracking, walking, drinking my water? And then gain EVERYTHING back and start all over again, and read these entries and think, "God, if only I was 207 pounds again, I would look so good!"

F*** that. I will never be at 235 again. Never. I've been on this cycle for too long. What the hell am I waiting for? A guilded invitation from God to take my life into my own hands and DO something about my weight? I've been doing this for seven months, but you know what? It's my pace, my race. Who cares if it's taking me twice as long as some other people to lose it? I'm fighting a lot more than fat here; I'm fighting my mind in this battle. It's epic. There are explosions. (It's actually pretty awesome.)

So one day at a time. That's all I have: one day. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet. If I decide I'll "be good tomorrow" it will never get done, because tomorrow is never here. I have to be good today, here, and now. One simple day at a time will yield epic results.

I can do it.

This is above my computer now, along with my "Only track on the days you'd like to lose weight" post. And yes, I work for GEICO :) The Gecko treats his subjects well.

Up 1.8

2009-08-01T22:11:00.000-07:00

Thank God last week is behind me, is all I can say.

This week is already shaping up to be a really spectacular weight-loss week for me. My note on top of this post is something that is now above my computer screen. I love that bit of advice.

Down 1.8!

2009-07-25T16:14:00.001-07:00

Ah, another loss :) It makes me happy to be faithful to the program 100% of the time!

This is going to be the shortest post ever... I just spent the day at the San Diego Zoo for my company's annual picnic, and I'm exhausted.

Sleepy time for Jess.

From A Breezy Baseball Field in San Diego

2009-07-24T17:19:00.000-07:00

Lucky hot dog dinner: Check.
Feelin' awesome: Check.
Need to poop: Check.

It's official: I have all the necessary items for a damn good weigh-in tommorow.

Awesome Week

2009-07-22T22:02:00.001-07:00

I've been crazy-ass energetic this whole week! I think hanging out in the Weight Watchers Beta Community area has really helped- I have joined a tracking challenge, a managable weight loss challenge, and an AP challenge. Y'all should check it out if you haven't already (and hey, add me to your friends list! My username is JessiokaFroka.)

This week has been nothing less than stellar. Lots of exercise, lots of HEALTHY eating (I think I've had a peach, an apple, a cup of strawberries, a cup of blueberries, and a cup of edamame every single day this week) and I've been getting more than 64 oz of H20 in every day. I'm really looking forward to this week's weigh in.

I must say, I feel a hell of a lot better when I'm sticking to the plan rather than bitching and moaning when I'm not 100% faithful to it. Hmmm... this could be the start of a beautiful friendship :)

Scatterbrained Thoughts (AKA A Happy Post!)

2009-07-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

When I first started Weight Watchers and discovered I would have to eat progressively fewer points as my weight decreased, I wondered how I would DO it. I could hardly keep control over the points I ate when I first started- how would I ever manage to eat less than THAT?

Surprisingly, it has gotten easier with each passing food point.

I am now down three points from my starting points allowance- that's 1 cup of grapes, 1 cup of blueberries, and 1 cup of edamame combined. That's an ounce of nuts; that's six pieces of double-fiber bread! And for the past few days (including today) I am having trouble eating all my dailies.

It's just gettin' easier and easier.

I think a lot of the ease of sticking to the plan lately has to do with the fact that I am no longer chained to a crazy schedule- no more jury duty, no more long commutes = homemade meals, energy to exercise, and less fast food.

I have set some short-term weight goals for myself, and they are as follows:
206.6: I get my "25 pounds lost" magnet and keychain from my WW meetings (as some may know my meetings and my actual weight lost aren't in sync)
205: 30 pounds gone
200: 35 pounds gone
199.9: ONEderland har har har
197.2: Met '15 Pounds Before Fall' Challenge (must be completed by 09-21-09, click here to join in on the WW Community [Beta] Challenge)
196: No longer 'obese'
195: 40 pounds gone
193: I've officially lost all the weight I gained when I started working at my desk job
189: Oh holy Jesus I'll probably cry, I haven't seen 189 on the scale since I was a sophomore in high school.

I have never rewarded myself for losing the weight... I've thought about it, and I think I even posted all the "rewards" I would give myself when I hit the goals, but as the weight came off I was just like "eh," and never did something. I was lazy.

But I really think I should DO something when I get into the 190's. Not sure what, but damnit, I'm going to have fun dreaming up all the adventures I should reward myself with. Ha! I'll post 'em as they come to me.

Everyone have a good week, k?

Here I am with Captain Jack Sparrow in Frontierland (Disneyland). I literally screamed with delight after Vern took this picture. I am about this weight right now.

Down 4.8!!

2009-07-18T13:14:00.001-07:00

Holy crap, I blew the last two weeks' gain out of the water! This week (after perfect tracking, perfect exercising, and just being perfect in general [you know you love me]) I lost 4.8 pounds at my weigh-in. I have officially lost the most weight I have ever lost in my life.

As some of you may know, I started the Weight Watchers meetings AFTER I had already lost a little weight (3.4 pounds to be exact) so my celebrations at the meetings are not in sync with the weight I've actually lost. That being said, if I lose at least .8 at my next weigh-in, I'll earn me a shiny new 25-pounds-lost keychain thingy. YAY!

I also wanted to mention that I will now put up progress photos... it has gotten to the point where I can actually see where I have lost weight in my photos. So yay! I'll get those up today.

As promised, here are the progress pics!

From the Baseball Field on Another Beautiful San Diego Day

2009-07-17T16:48:00.000-07:00

Man, I am PUMPED for tomorrow's weigh-in! I'm sure I did really well. I am eatin' my lucky hot dog dinner and everything's goin' my way :) Hope everyone's feeling as awesome as I am today!

Thanks For Making Me a Fighter

2009-07-16T21:52:00.000-07:00

My Facebook status this morning was: "Jessica is eating her 'old lady breakfast': half a cup of vanilla oatmeal, double-fiber toast, and 8 oz of FF milk. Awesome weight loss week, here I come."

I got a response from one of my friends from high school... A guy I haven't talked to in literally years who doesn't comment on anything I write. His response?

"You should really just find a healthy, enjoyable eating plan and stick to it year round. 90% of diets don't actually work, and more often than not, dieters gain more weight on the rebound than they had initially."

While I completely agree with him, I was nothing less than offended. At any point did I say I was on a diet? Since when can I not enjoy a healthy breakfast that is a break from my normal routine of frosted shredded wheat?

I know I shouldn't let it bother me that some asshole who doesn't know me or my story AT ALL said some general crap, but preaching? TO ME? I know what I'm doing- just because I don't stick to it doesn't mean I was asking a guy who's been skinny all his life to give me advice I could have pulled off of Wikipedia.

Gah! I'm overreacting, but God, it's been almost 7 months since I started Weight Watchers. I've lost a lot of weight! Not as much as I could have if I'm being 100% honest with myself, but people, I'm making little changes. Baby steps. All the time. And I'm growing mentally as I'm shrinking physically. This whole "healthy lifestyle" thing is a brand new thing to me- I grew up eating full-fat home-cooked meals and processed, packaged snacks. I'm learning all of this by myself, one step at a time.

But it makes me a little stronger- really, it does. No one ever says anything to you if you're fat when you're an adult: it's the elephant in the room. But the moment you let on that you're trying to lose weight, people always want to throw in their two cents. Everyone's an expert.

You know, I'm glad I posted this, 'cause I am feeling a million percent better now. I will go out to lunch tomorrow with my jurors, order a small salad and fruit because you can't eat anything else at a burger joint, exercise, drink my water, and weigh in Saturday morning. And you know why I'm doing all of that? Not because I'm on a diet, but because I'm rewiring my brain for the long haul that is life.

Not everything can be a celebration, and I am learning that with each passing weekend/birthday/holiday/beach trip/camping trip/every excuse to overeat in the book. So thank God I'm not on a diet, because like my friend said, I would probably just gain it all back and thensome anyway.

A Swift Kick in the Balls

2009-07-16T21:44:00.001-07:00

Y'all want to get inspired? Read this blog post by Jack Sh*t. I really, really needed this.

That is all :)

Comment Feature Is Fixed

2009-07-15T17:46:00.000-07:00

OH MY EFFING GOD.

For the last four posts, I had gotten NOOOOO comments, and I was kind of freaking out about it: Do people hate my blog now? Am I being too whiny? What am I doing WRONG?

Turns out the damn thing was broken. Awesome.

Please, for the love of God, leave me some love. (And thanks B, for bringing it to my attention.)

Big Gains and Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2009-07-12T20:23:00.000-07:00

Well, I gained a LOT over the last two weeks: 3.8 pounds to be exact. It makes me so frustrated with myself! I ate a TON of fast food, didn't plan, and I STILL have a cold so I didn't exercise.

I talked about this with Vern and my brother Chris today, and I was just going on and on about how I just can't FOCUS and "what's the point of doing this if I'm not going to stick with it." Vern, my rock and soulmate, thought that was the last straw. He told me that I am not a number on the scale, and I have worked so hard to lose over 20 pounds. He reminded me that I have been deeply stressed out about the trial that I (was) a juror on, and I've been sick, so no moving around for me.

That paired with going to my meeting this week made me feel a lot better. At my meeting a member said something that really clicked with me. She said, "90% of weight loss is in your head," and it's SO true, people. I just need to get back on plan, and in no time I'll be my old, weight-losin' self again.

The trial I was a juror on ended on Friday. It started on April 6th of this year. So yeah, I've been a little frustrated and stressed over it. I'm so glad it's over with, though, because I can get back to my normal schedule- leaving the house at 7:40 AM, being home at no later than 4:50 PM. Plenty of time to make a healthy dinner and exercise, and I won't be exhausted so planning my meals won't be an issue anymore.

Let's see, what else have I done lately... oh yes, yesterday I blew my old pedometer record out of the water. My old record for most steps in a day was about 19,800 and yesterday I took and hour and a half walk with my dad and then spent the rest of the day at beach (which included walking along the shore and out the the pier) and ended the day with over 26,000 steps! I was very happy about that one. I am well on my way to making the loss for this week a big one. Hell, I even managed to do an hour on my treadmill today (even though I was sore from all the activity yesterday.)

I must admit that it's SO diffcult for me to write blog posts about gaining weight... it makes me feel like such a failure. But if I only blogged my losses and wrote about how easy and great weight loss is 150% of the time, I would be lying. I don't want to look back on my posts two years from now and think I had some sort of iron willpower. Weight loss is hard, damn it. But I don't want this weight on me anymore, and come Hell or high water, I'm going to get rid of this extra weight. Gaining is just another part of losing, and it sure makes you feel good when you're OP and losing like you should.

So, I'm off to plan my meals for the week. I am feeling better already :)

This is Vern and I at some restaurant. This photo was taken before we got engaged (notice the lack of rock on my ring finger.) I'm about this weight right now.

Ring Ring Ring

2009-07-07T12:04:00.000-07:00

I have gotten to the point that when I shower or take a bath, I have to take off my engagement ring beforehand. It slips and turns.

About a month ago, I even lost my ring at work because I had just washed my hands; I was shaking my hands back and forth quickly to air-dry them, causing my ring to FLY off my hand into my desk partner's cube. It scared the hell out of me too! Jeesh.

I guess it's almost time to get this thing re-sized, huh?

Operation Studmuffin Groom

2009-07-05T20:52:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, Vern paused his video game and turned to me. I knew he had something to say, so I put down my book.

"Honey, I have a decree," Vern said. This is normal for Vern because we're both nerds and use royal-speak all the time.

"Yes, dear?"

"In one month's time, I shall commence... OPERATION STUDMUFFIN GROOM."

*le gasp!* said I, as I knew Vern wanted to lose weight before the wedding, but I didn't think he'd give himself enough time to do it. I didn't want to press the matter since I know from firsthand experience that if you're not ready to lose weight, you're not going to.

So, starting tomorrow... Operation Studmuffin Groom goes into effect, and we are ready! We are armed with oatmeal (which replaces his egg, cheese, and sausage croissants), Jess-approved snacks, and an easy exercise regimen planned out. For now, he is only replacing breakfast because he, like any other person interested in weight loss for the long haul, knows that baby steps are key for success.

I'm so excited! I've already told myself I'm not going to give advice unless he asks for it... I don't want to smother him. I'm really freakin' bossy, and this is something he needs gentle support for, not a drill sergeant breathing down his neck 24/7.

I'll let y'all know how it goes... :)

This is a photo of Vern and the future Mrs. Jessie James herself. Don't we look a sight? Darn tootin'.

Peanut Butter YUM.

2009-07-05T09:34:00.001-07:00

I just found out that my favorite peanut butter is only 1 point for a teaspoon. Hell, a teaspoon is all I ever want anyway! Just thought I'd share that tidbit.

I did well yesterday - used only my dailies, got a tiny bit of exercise in (40 minutes of very light, slow walking), cleaned the bathrooms in the house and did a lot of laundry. I don't count chores as "exercise" although I probably should... cleaning those bathrooms makes me sweat!

I would love nothing more than to hang out by the pool today, but I am still feeling really icky. I am sending Vern out to Wal-Mart for some provisions (and because I'm out of double fiber bread... that's REALLY what's important.) So I will laze about the house, check the blogs I follow, and keep reading the first Harry Potter book.

I would post a "pic of the day" but I think I have another blog post coming... one that's a little deeper than this one. I'll post a pic of the day then :)

Feeling a Tiny Bit Better

2009-07-04T10:59:00.000-07:00

I'm feelin' all right, folks. I went for my light walk today, and had a wholesome, old lady breakfast of oatmeal and double fiber toast. Sounds bland, but with a little vanilla extract in my oatmeal and some ICBINB spray on my toast, I'm feelin' great.

I'm getting over my cold, although I'm coughing like an asthmatic smoker lately. Oh well.

For the 4th, Vern and I are travelling all the way down the street (read: about 100 feet) to my parent's house for a BBQ. Luckily, I despise barbeque'd anything, so I'll be having clam chowder on this fabulous 4th.

Hope y'all have a good Independence Day yourselves :)

In this photo, I'm wearing my Renaissance Faire dress. I love it because it actually makes me look like I have a rack. Awesome. (When this pic was taken, I had lost about 16 pounds.)

Update

2009-07-03T22:08:00.000-07:00

Ah, a little hangup... I've been sick all week. Cough cough, wheeze wheeze, sneeze sneeze. You know how it goes. Today was the first day in the whole week I was able to sleep in, take a nap, or take it easy in general.

I'm not going to lie; for the last four days I not only threw the plan out the window, but I put it in a catpult and launched it through my ceiling, then rushed to the window, whipped out my binoculars, and watched it fall behind some mountains in the distance. My diet has been pretty apocolyptic to say the least, and being sick = NO exercise. Gawd.

However, I have all my meals planned out for tomorrow. I even have a tiny bit of exercise for tomorrow too... 30 minutes of light walking. I really want to get over this cold ASAP, so for this week I'm going to mainly focus on eating good, plan-friendly foods.

I must say, I was inspired to write this post because of another blogger within my age group (late teens to early 20's) who commented on my last post. Her name is B, and she has an awesome blog herself. Y'all should stop by and say hi :)

You know, it's not easy to stay on the plan ALL the time. You fall off the wagon. You get back on. By the way, who the hell travels in a wagon anymore? Just a thought. But I digress.

It's not easy to stay OP 24/7, right? That's why I love the weight-loss blog community - just when I feel my old ways creeping back into my life, I can read something from Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit and laugh, or I can read Bitch Cake's Blog for some soul-searching weight-loss insight. It keeps my happy ass MOTIVATED. That and the fear of being chunky on my wedding day, but I'll save that for another blog.

A quick note... I noticed my blog has NO pictures on it, and I, personally, LOVE to read blogs that have images that go with it. So I will be posting a pic that corresponds with my blog post at the top of the post, and a random pic of myself at the bottom of the blog post. I totally stole the idea from Lisa, so all the credit is hers.

This is me, wearing the stupid crown they give you at Medieval Times. Vern is taking the picture, and I'm trying to look like I think that crown is really, really ridiculous. Did I pull off the look?

All Right!

2009-06-27T13:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my six-month anniversary with Weight Watchers, and I was down a pound at my weigh-in this week. Guys, I've lost 26.6 pounds!!!

Wow. I'm so excited! I can't believe how much easier this is than it was when I started out. When I first started Weight Watchers, it took me twice the time to determine the POINTS values of foods I ate, and to determine what I was going to eat each day. I suppose things are easier for me now that I've made BIG switches in my diet that now seem effortless...

I now eat far more fruits and veggies than I ever did before

I now eat lots of fiber-rich foods and whole grain foods

I don't crave junk food often anymore (although I must admit I had a yummy Double-Double at In-n-Out on Sunday. Whatever, I counted it.)

There are certain things I simply don't buy at the grocery store anymore: cake mixes, muffins, pre-packaged snack foods, full-fat dairy (ice cream, cheese, and milk), SODA (THAT was a big switch for me!), full-fat bread, full-fat yogurts, and margarine.

Speaking of margarine, I used to be a margine-aholic. I put that stuff on everything. It took me a long time to wean myself onto I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray, but I did it! And you know what? I don't miss it.

I hardly ever go out to eat anymore, and to be 100% honest, it's not any less convenient- I simply plan my meals ahead of time now. It's a lot easier to make good food choices when I've eaten dinner and planning out my meals for the week rather than hungry and in front of a Jack In The Box.

So, what have I done so far?

Stats: When I started losing weight:

Date: December 26, 2008
Height: 5' 8"
Age: 21 years
Weight: 235.0 lbs.
Weight Loss To Date: 0 lbs.
BMR: 1898.15 kcal
BMI: 35.7

-----------------------

Stats: Where I am now:

Date: June 27, 2009
Height: 5' 8"
Age: 21 years
Weight 208.4 lbs.
Weight Loss to Date: 26.6 lbs.
BMR: 1776 kcal
BMI: 31.6

So I'm losing slowly, but so what? I'm supposed to. And hey, I don't think almost 27 pounds is too damn shabby. It's my race, my pace.

I hope everyone else is having just as much of an awesome day as I am. Ciao!

Ow, My Ass.

2009-06-21T12:21:00.000-07:00

I went on a pretty moderate walk/jog/hike with Vern yesterday morning. A good portion of it is slopes (down and up) and when I got out of bed this morning, by butt, abs, and thighs were KILLING me. I was telling my super-fit wannabe personal trainer brother about how sore I am this morning, and you know what he says to me?

"You wanna go again today?"

Hell yes I do!

So we went, and now I'm practically dying writing this, but you know what? I don't care. I feel AWESOME. I'm sore in places I didn't know existed, but this is what gets me; six months ago I would have NEVER done that walk two days in a row. Once every couple of months, maybe. And I would stop several times on the trail.

But both times, I made it without stopping at all. It was about 3.5 miles, and like I said, hilly the whole way.

I can't wait to see what I can do in another 25.6 pounds.

Woohoo!

2009-06-20T08:05:00.001-07:00

I'm down 2.0 pounds for the week! All right, I've lost 25.6 pounds now, and my six-month mark is next Friday. I'm gonna go take a 5 mile walk around a lake this morning with my honey, make jam, and watch and a Hannibal Lecter movie marathon.

What an awesome day.

So the next goal for me is 208.6 which is my 10%, and the goal after that will be 207.9... that will make it officially the most weight I've ever lost - before that I'd only ever lost 27 pounds. Yay!

Quick NSV

2009-06-18T07:10:00.001-07:00

Am now able to walk up the stairs in my work cafeteria (about 30 steps) without getting winded. HELL YES.

It's The Little Things

2009-06-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

I am almost at the six-month mark of my weight loss journey. Judging by the way this week is going, I'll be down about 25 pounds when I hit my official mark of June 26th. I have started noticing things lately about myself that have become second-nature to me, things that I never would have thought to be possible back in the days of "What the hell, it's Friday" binges. I have compiled a small list of things Current Jess does now as compared to Old Jess.

1. Current Jess is eating a bowl of California-style veggies tonight for dinner because she wants to. Old Jess was down with a Jumbo Jack w/ Cheese, curly fries, and a large soda whenever she could get her hands on 'em.

2. Current Jess has gotten up to tidy the kitchen all throughout the day, and not once seen it as a chore. (I must digress- I live six houses away from my massive family, who are in and out of my house all day, every day. I like my kitchen to effing sparkle. So after a few hours, there are just little things out of place: the paper towels have been moved, there's a bowl in the sink, one of the dining room chairs is pulled out.) Old Jess would have looked at the mess that had been building over the day, sighed, bitched said family members out, would get no results, and would say "screw it" with a bag of puffy Chee-tos on the couch. And she'd still have a messy kitchen.

3. Current Jess is trying to get the "high score" on her pedometer every single day now. Old Jess was logging the high score every day on the scale.

4. Current Jess is getting compliments from people who don't even know she's trying to lose weight. Old Jess used to look at pictures of herself when she was thinner and say, "Well, I don't look that different."

5. Current Jess is drinking tons of water now, simply because she finds it to be delicious and refreshing. Old Jess never drank water, and would down Coca-Colas all day long during the weekends (and then wonder why she felt like crap all the time.)

6. Current Jess reads "Top 15 SuperFoods" articles and realizes that she's come to love about 12 of them, and eats them all the time (without knowing that they were "superfoods"). Old Jess was shocked when she found out that her favorite items at SouPlantation were stuffed with calories and *NEWS FLASH* really weren't that healthy.

Old Jess decided that feeling bad physically and emotionally wasn't worth the sugary taste of CostCo cake at never-ending work potlucks, or the creamy taste of 4 tablespoons of margarine on her loaded baked potato. Old Jess had a lot of work to do, and was almost overwhelmed with the prospect of living life so "tied down" by food restrictions. And exercise? Forget it.

Enter Weight Watchers. Old Jess had heard of it, and thought that it was pretty much for old ladies with nothing better to do on a Saturday- but she didn't know what it was. People would tell her "It's a lifestyle, not a diet" and she would scoff; how was she going to cut back on chocolate, cookies, and butter if it wasn't a diet? Who were those Weight Watchers people trying to fool?

Then one day, Old Jess's co-worker mentioned that she had lost 80 pounds with Weight Watchers- and all she did for exercise was walk. Old Jess was floored. You would have never known that this woman had been 80 pounds heavier, and that in order to lose that much weight all she did was move her feet a little every day.

It couldn't be that easy.

Old Jess went into a Weight Watcher's meeting for the first time on January 3, 2009, about a week after getting her monthy pass and haunting the WW community boards online. She was scared, knew no one, and didn't know what to expect. She was welcomed by Marie, the vivacious leader of the big room full of loud, happy-looking people. Some were even her age! She was told that you can have whatever you want to eat, as long as it's in your points range for the day. She was told that she could expect to lose a lot in her first week, then she should lose about .5 to 2 pounds a week on average. She was told that it was a lifestyle change.

And it was.

Old Jess no longer exists. Current Jess has taken her place, and is so happy with how her life is now and how it's going to be in the future. Current Jess can see for miles, and it's all down hill from here. Because in the long run, being overweight is a lot harder than doing something about it, and I now know this.

2.8 to go...

2009-06-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

I'm only 2.8 pounds from my 10%!! I just realized this... and I'm already having a stellar week, plan-wise. I've been on top of my exercise and I only ate my dailies yesterday (which is monumental, because Saturdays are usually super-hard for me.)

I'm feeling so much better. Many of my posts lately have been, "Oh, boohoo, poor me, Vegas was fun but getting back OP is so hard..." but I feel awesome now. I feel like my old, motivated self :)

The refreshingly frank "your ass is getting smaller" comments from my mom are nice, and people who don't know I'm losing weight are commenting on it. The jeans are falling off my butt, and I'm even almost kind of sort of ready to post a progress pic :)

So I'll hit my next goal of 209.9, then the goal after that is 208.6 (10%), and then 199... guys, I am almost in ONEderland (HAR HAR HAR) and it's gonna be GREAT!

Down!

2009-06-13T11:08:00.000-07:00

Woohoo, I've finally achieved my month-long dream of losing two weeks in a row again! I was down .4 at my meeting today, which I'm stoked for.

My next goal is 209.9 - I can't wait to see that 2-0 at the beginning of my weight, because I get to lose a point of food every day! w00t... I haven't lost a point in a couple of months now. I welcome the new challenge :)

Dear Jess

2009-06-07T00:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Jess,

Please peel yourself away from Final Fantasy 7 and jump onto the treadmill for an hour. You have a problem. Put down the controller and back AWAY from the PS3.

Also, eating your bodyweight in guacamole wasn't a good idea. However, tracking ALL of it was. We will discuss these areas at your next year review.

Regards,
-Mgmt.

P.S. Great job on the 2.6 lb. drop this week. That being said, you better get those buns in gear if you wanna see another loss next week, too.

From a Partly-Cloudy Baseball Field in San Diego

2009-06-05T17:22:00.000-07:00

Damn I had a good week. I can't wait to weigh in tomorrow.

I've gotten a LOT of compliments on my weight loss lately. Nothing keeps you good like knowing EVERYONE is watching you.

That Was Easy!

2009-06-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

My last few posts have been uninspiring- at best- for other Weight Watchers.

"Oh, boo hoo, I lost my motivation, wah wah wah."

But after only a few days of being on plan, I'm back into my old swing of things. I still get tempted by candy/cake/cookies and a whole slew of other crap that literally holds no nutrition whatsoever in their molecules, but I'm back to asking myself: Do I really want that? Am I just craving it because I had sweets around this time of day yesterday?

It's soooooooo good to be back. I cannot WAIT to weigh in on Saturday.

How Jessica Got Her Groove Back

2009-06-01T12:24:00.000-07:00

I talked to the girls at work about my huge gain and my immensely hard weekend. They are all in the WW program, so they're a great sounding board. One of them suggested that since a habit takes about 15 days to develop, I may have reverted back to my old ways and this is why I'm having such a hard time getting back on track

That was my "aha" moment.

I'm back at square one, but I'm relieved- I finally know why/how I lost my weight-loss groove. Two weeks from now eating within my daily points will be second nature to me again. Every time I have ever lost weight, it has taken me two weeks to get used to the change.

I am strong, freshly-motivated, and damn it, I deserve this.

In other news, Vern is making dinner tonight- sauteed onions, steamed carrots (salted and "I can't believe it's not butter"'d) and sauteed portobello mushrooms. That's more veggie than I usually eat in one meal, but sounds gooooood to me. He's tossing the 'shrooms with canola oil that had previously packed feta-stuffed olives, so it's crazy-flavorful.

Mmm mmm, good!

Miracle of Miracles

2009-05-31T12:13:00.001-07:00

I hosted a bonfire last night and didn't overdo anything - I ate pretty light all day (lots of veggies and fruit) so that I could have a cheeseburger, two s'mores, creme soda, apple cider, and lots of fun with my close friends and family. I dipped into my weeklies a little, but whatever. That's what they're there for.

I exercised today, am doing well points-wise, and am feeling confident in general. Yay!

Oh!!! I have a tan line! (Side note- I live in San Diego, California, but I might as well live in freaking Alaska for as pale as I am.) I have a tan line from my engagement ring, and you all know what that means, right? It means I have a tan!

It also means I've had the confidence recently to spend time outside, in summer-y clothes. Woohoo!

Dear Self

2009-05-30T13:58:00.000-07:00

Hey Jess. Here's some advice for you.

1. Plan your meals AHEAD of time. Don't eat, then track- that's backwards.
2. Avoid fast food at all costs. Fast food is your trigger food. Stay away, warning, danger, beware, caution, land mines, arsenic, nuclear test site, toxic waste, Tom Petty- whatever it is you need to pretend is in front of a drive-thru so you won't proceed.
3. Have a piece of candy every once in a while.
4. Track track track track track. Track!!!
5. Get off the couch, stop watching The Biggest Loser, and jump onto the treadmill. What did you buy it for? It's like a glorified towel hanger at this point.

You are awesome at giving advice to other people... take your own occassionally.

Scale Fail

2009-05-30T11:17:00.000-07:00

Yep, was up 3.6 this week. Good Lord.

But I can feel that my second wind is here. The topic this week at WW was "Getting Your Motivation Back" and it really, really spoke to me. It was like I have lost sight of WHY I'm doing this all to begin with.

Why AM I doing this?

1. I had a closet full of clothes that didn't fit.
2. To look beautiful on my wedding day.
3. To be able to shop at "normal" clothing stores at the mall, instead of only at Wal-Mart which is the only place I can find anything to fit my ass anymore.
4. To wear a skirt with confidence.
5. To live a long life.
6. To keep getting compliments from my family/friends/co-workers. (I know that sounds petty, but I thrive on compliments.)
7. To be a health nut.
8. HOT Halloween outfits!
9. ComicCon costumes! I love nerd boys and, although I'm engaged, it's a great confidence-booster to be drooled over while dressed as a Hogwarts schoolgirl.
10. To feel like I deserve the same treatment.
11. To be disciplined.
12. To do something huge that I've never done before.
13. To feel like I'm in control.
14. So I'm not wearing my vices on my sleeve.

I can say with utter confidence that my fast food week(s) are now over. I already feel like me again- I'm back. Health Nut, WW-addict Jess is back.

Thank God.

From and Softball Field on an Overcast Day in San Diego...

2009-05-29T17:08:00.000-07:00

Oh my Lord. I am not looking forward to weighing tomorrow. I'm munching on my lucky hot dog dinner, not feeling very lucky.

Of course I have no one to blame but myself... I have enforced a strict "Seriously, let's avoid going out to eat at all costs, ok?" policy. Oh well, Vern was happy about my lax fast food policies over the last two weeks.

Planning ahead- and tracking- are keys to success with WW. I see this as a small hiccup; an ironable wrinkle in the big picture of my weight loss.

I just wish getting BACK on track was as easy as losing track. *Sigh*

Back in the Saddle Again

2009-05-26T07:10:00.000-07:00

My whole day is planned out, and I have a trip to the grocery store coming up to restock on food that doesn't come from a paper sack.

Yay confidence!

B: Special K w/ Red Berries, skim milk, also going to nurse a coffee all morning
S: Granny Smith Apple
L: Bowl of Tomato soup, Diet Dr. Pepper
S: Naval Orange
S: FF string cheese
D: CostCo Stuffed Salmon
E: 65 mins moderate-pace walk on the treadmill

And I have 4.5 pts left over for whatever.

Man, it feels good to be back. One day at a time, folks.

Having a Little Trouble

2009-05-25T18:47:00.000-07:00

I stopped tracking for a whole week, knowing that I wouldn't be weighing in last Saturday. It was stupid, I know.

What was scary was the fact that it was so easy for me to fall back into my old ways.

I have tracked everything I have eaten today, and let me tell you, this next weigh-in is not going to be pretty. I have exercised a lot this weekend (walking, swimming) but I have been a little piglet when it comes to Vegas and Memorial Day food.

Oh well, you all know how it goes... back on the bandwagon as of now. Like I said in a previous post, WW isn't about perfection. I can have a bad week-and-a-half like this one and still be fine. Thankfully I have nothing in the future that may derail my plans too terribly... Vern and I are spending the whole day at the beach on Saturday (including a bonfire well into the night) but I'm already planning ahead on that one, and I feel that I can STICK TO IT!

Lots of water, Diet Dr. Pepper, and fruit are in my beachy future :)

I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend!

Duh.

2009-05-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Self,

Please remember not to jump onto the treadmill after spending 5 hours in the direct sun drinking nothing but Carb-free Monsters (in a black car). You also might want to eat a snack, because the last time you ate was 7:30 this morning.

Thanks,
-Mgmt.

Less Than Inspirational

2009-05-24T12:53:00.000-07:00

I went to Vegas this weekend. I have been home for less than a half-hour and I am currently getting ready to jump onto my treadmill for a long-overdue cardio session.

Knowing I wasn't going to be weighing in this week, I went nuts with fast food. I didn't exercise once and I'm pretty damn sure I didn't track a single thing I ate all week. I am now dehydrated, headachey, and feeling "fat".

That's my body's way of telling me to stick with the plan, and just plan ahead.

Funny thing is, while I felt a tiny bit disappointed with myself for derailing myself, I don't feel that wave of guilt. So I had a week's worth of weakness. So what? I had a lifetime of indulgence before WW and I have lost over 24 pounds. I'm just getting back into the game, starting with today's cardio.

And luckily, I don't have another trip to Sin City in my future for quite some time ;)

Down 3.8!

2009-05-16T08:58:00.000-07:00

Hell yeah, almost four pounds. I rock. And I'm only 10.8 from being in ONEderland (hardy freakin' har). I'm at 210.8, which I haven't been at since late 2007. WOOHOO!!!

I also bought a pair of shorts (in a size 16!), which I am wearing right now and they're comfy! I'm so excited for this next week :)

I hope everyone has a great week too. I tell ya, it was that lucky hot dog dinner...

From a Baseball Game in Beautiful North San Diego...

2009-05-15T17:38:00.000-07:00

For the first time in a long time, I was entirely on Plan for the entire week and I am actually looking forward to weighing in tomorrow.

I even had my lucky hot dog dinner tonight (which ensures me a favorable weigh-in the next day, seeing as how it is lucky) so I'm a shoo-in.

Yay! I'll update y'all tomorrow.